Okay. How’s everyone doing! I was doing okay until right now. Not sure what to type about. What’s going on in the wide world of Funny. Hmm. TV shows and Movies from the past. Back when things were more fun. These-a-days it’s hard to get joy from Comedy because it’s usually too tied up in the Current Moment which I Really Hate! Is this blog too tied up in the Current Moment. I’m not sure but you can probably Really Hate It Anyway. Anyway what’s everyone’s favorite Area Code. Mine is Mine! 917. It’s got CHARACTER. My second favorite is 212. I don’t really like any other area codes. 718 is OKAY and all the rest I can do without! Area codes aren’t much of a Code. I CRACKED IT. 917 is Queens Cell Phones. 718 is Queens Landlines. 212 is Manhattan something. SEE LOOK I deciphered the code. Anyway I reached a Lou Reed solo album I definitely like. Speaking of New York! It’s called New York. FASCINATING. Reed is a musical reference. For Flute Instruments. Clarinet, what have you. What’s that called again. Blowing Instruments? Sucker Instruments? IT IS WOODWIND INSTRUMENT. Universally made out of wood I guess. Sound is made out of wind. Produced by making the wind with your mouth. I gotcha. Is Lou also a musical reference. Lou. Lou. Loo. Lao. In Lieu of. I’ll think about it!
Sure. I watched Encino Man for the first time in a while. I don’t know what’s wrong with this movie. It got panned by critics. I think it’s a great movie. It’s in my top 30 movies of all time. But Michael that’s because of sentimental value. So what. I’m not allowed to be Sentimental? It’s one of the top human emotions! Why are you trying to take that away from me! HOW DARE YOU. When they make a movie they want it to be good so they presumably could design it for people to eventually have Sentimental Reactions to it. That’ partly what some movies ARE CONCIOUSLY FOR. But Michael movies can’t be conscious. They don’t have feeligns. The makers of the movie consciously want it! DON’T BE A JERK. Maybe I’ll see the new Mortal Kombat coming up. What inspired them to spell it, “Kombat.” First thought best thought—it comes from Japan or a similar county and they just flat out didn’t know how to spell, “Combat.” Second thought—They thought “Kombat,” would sound cooler than, “Combat.” Hard K sounds agro and this is a very aggressive game! PEOPLE GET FATALITIZED sometimes in the most brutal ways! Anyway. I’m still upset they killed off Johnny Cage in the OLD Mortal Kombat II from the 90’s. The original first Mortal Kombat adaptation was very good for eight year olds like me and then I was excited to see the sequel but they killed off one of the best characters in the first ten minutes. VERY SAD. I AM STILL IN MOURNING. That movie turned out to suck per my memory. I AM STILL IN AFTERNOON.
Great. Do I have sentimental feelings for Mortal Kombat (1995)? Yeah! But I wouldn’t rank it as high as ENCHINO MAN. How did they come up with that stuff! Scene after scene. It defies logic! IT’S BRILLIANT. They don’t make em like they used to! If they released Encino man in 2026 people would be like COMEDY IS BACK! This is one of the best movies in years. I would say that at least! Except most people would have a hard time deciphering the Pauly Shore Weasel-eqsue dialogue. I’ve seen it 50 times so at this point I understand the meaning of what’s being said. But you might be confused the first 25 times or so! YES it’s filled with plot holes but that’s okay. It starts with the main character DIGGING a hole. That’s how they find Brendan Fraiser the Caveman. I don’t even COUNT THAT as one of the plot holes! Huh. Maybe I should become a film critic. I talk about Film Critiques a lot but it never occurred to be to do it. I always thought in the back of my mind I can do better than them. But not in the front of my mind. Never even halfway through the mind! Hmm. Let’s work backwards with things that don’t make sense in Encino Man. It ends with Encino Man’s cavewoman girlfriend somehow getting unfrozen too. And in the end they find her mucking around the house like Brendan Fraiser did, with them ultimately discovering her taking a bath herself. HOW THE HELL DID SHE KNOW HOW TO BATHE HERSELF. Makes no sense!
Oh okay great. That’s all I’ll point out. You gotta experience the movie for yourself! Anyway. I find myself out of breath a lot. Especially when I get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom or something. But there’s nothing funny about that! Unless you wish ill on me. Then it’s kind of funny. Especially if it gets worse! Then you’re really having a good time! Also at a point Pauly Shore makes reference to marrying Sean Astin’s little sister who is roughly 5-7 years younger than them. They’re playing characters who’re 17-18. THAT DOESN’T SEEM RIGHT. When he says it he DOES say something like Sometime in the distant future. Which I GUESS makes it okay in the abstract. And the subtext isn’t that he’s really into her, it’s that he just wants to be officially part of the family. But I really don’t like it! Anyway. Haven’t even put my contact lenses on yet today. Halfway through the day depending on how you look at it! But I gotta put em on before my guitar lesson tonight. I don’t think I’ve worn my eyeglasses once to any of the School Of Rock lessons or events. At this point it’ll confuse and/or anger people potentially! MYSELF INCLUDED. Okay. Lou Reed was the Godfather of punk and he wore glasses. Yeah but those were sunglasses. Oh okay good point. I could swear I saw him in regular classic glasses. I might lose that swearing though.
Anyway. It’s not so much that glasses are bad. It’s that I Don’t Wear Glasses There Already. So get off my back about it! Anyway. These glasses Velvet Underground wore are more ANTI-Sun Glasses. Sun Glasses sound dangerous. Doctors would be like PLEASE DON’T WEAR SUNGLASSES. You WILL Get Eye Cancer. But it is a good cheap way to get a tan for your eyeballs. Whatever. Apparently Lou Reed liked people to shit on him. Or he just asked people to shit on him For Effect. Either way GOOD FOR HIM. He found something that makes him happy and he WENT FOR IT. I’m into relatively a lot but I don’t think I’d like shitstuff. I like shitting in the toilet! But not so much sexually. Just because it has to happen. And I do it kinda rarely So I’m kind of relieved when I take care of business because I should have gotten to this A LONG TIME AGO. Also other people’s shit STINKS. Not like mine! It’s like that common phrase goes My Shit Don’t Stink. But other people? I don’t wanna smell that. Forget feeling it. Don’t wanna smell it! Anyway. Maybe there’s a trick to make your shit don’t stink. Take 20 Altoids 24 hours in advance or something. Gotta be something you can do! Hmm. Now I’m intrigued. Just as a science experiment. Are we taking the Altoids orally or up the butt. Not sure! Maybe both! Ten each! Anyway that’s it I guess. I’ll see ya later!
-2:36 P.M.
MAY 7 2026
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