Alright. I guess that’s good. The person in front of me actually Marty Mcfly’d in Starbucks today. Straight up asked the barista is there just any drink I can get that has no sugar. She offered him Black Coffee. I was so excited that we had a time traveler in our midst that I didn’t register how he responded to that. Kinda tuned out because I was still trying to process the entire situation. I need to be more aware of my surroundings in important situations like this. DId he accept Coffee? Did he go into the phone booth and tear out a page to phone a friend? Huh. That scene in Back To The Future always bothered me. Marty McFly tears a page out of the phone book which has Doc Brown’s 1955 residential address and phone number. And no one seems bothered or reprimands him for it. Uh. That’s a public phone book. YOU JUST RUINED IT FOR EVERYONE. Now other people might have trouble finding people! WHOLE two-sided page of people GONE! ARE YOU GONNA ORDER SOMETHING KID or what. Marty Mcfly doesn’t even LIVE there. It’d be one thing if he lives in the town. Then you could argue the phone book Almost Kind Of belongs to him at least a little. He’s just passing by! Huh. He lives there in space but not time. That’s not living there. I can move to Alaska in a few years but that doesn’t mean that I Live In Alaska Right Now. Bad News for me yesterday– I got Turkey Dinner but forgot to ask for no Gravy. Covered in gravy. Gravy is gross! Who likes this crap. Did the American Indians turn us onto gravy? Or was that all White People All The Way. Better LTURQ.
It’s a white person thing. I woulda guessed! But I didn’t bother. Why bother forming prospective thoughts and ideas when I can just Look That Up Right Quick. Anyway. Today might be Hitler’s Birthday. OR it was a couple of days ago. Great now I gotta GET HIM a present. I don’t understand the logic to that joke. Anyway. It was a couple of days ago. 4.20. I knew it was one of those days! That reminds me of a bit I did a few years ago on an older crazysheet about how if they saved Hitler’s brain, it wouldn’t really as smoothly as they want. New Hitler would be like You got my brain from WHERE?!?! Or like I used to be WHO?!? Or more likely you raise new Hitler from infancy-type state to become a Hitlerish Hitler and at first he’s like Who’s Hitler. You were. What’s that. The person you have to be again. I’m tired I want a banana. Anyway maybe that’s a bit I can write for Comedy Class! WOW. A THING. Is it a thing where they Clone Hitler. There’s saving his brain and then there’s Cloning Him. Slightly different premise. My jokes make even more sense with Cloning Him! But Saving His Brain is more in the zeitgeist! Huh. Saving Hitler’s Moustache. Could that be a thing. Hitler’s barber musta been pretty pleased with himself. The first guy to give him that style. Musta been looking on in the 30’s and early 40’s VERY pleased with himself. Right up until the end. He probably told his friends You know it’s all in the moustache. When it comes down to it I’m really responsible for all of this. Wouldn’t say it outside his social circle. That’s the kind of thing that could get him in trouble!
Hitler might have shaved himself. Most men shave their own facial hair. I dunno. Might have to do some research on that! What are the odds that if Hitler never existed that Hitler would be the name of a band at some point in the latter half of the 20th century or the 21st century. PRETTY HIGH! Just SOUNDS like a band name. Hitler. IF You’re able to properly remove All Other Context for the name. IF you can completely forget about Adolf for a second. Hitler sounds like the name of a band at some point from somewhere. Well first of all because they produce Hits. That’s the first reason it makes sense. I dunno. If it was ME, the second syllable would be a reference to the LIRR. Which is where I developed and nurtured my love of music. The Long Island Railroad. Listening to mp3 player back and forth during high school. And sometimes college. And I suppose every now and then adult life! Anyway. Would you go back in time and kill Baby Hitler. Why don’t you just go back and make sure his parents don’t conceive him. That way no one has to die! But then Love Making is prevented. You’re stopping people from having a good time! That’s another kind of Hurting People! Anyway. We can’t go back in time and do anything. So we don’t need to speculate on what we would do. We can go forward in time. Not really that either! We can be in the moment of time that we’re in. THAT’S ABOUT IT. We can PREPARE for the future though. That’s a thing! What’s going on again.
Okay. Fourth paragraph! To be clear I think Hitler would be a bad band name. But one that could probably exist. What else. I’m almost done with the first season of SNL. Did people think Hey Chevy Chase is great and the rest of these guys are assholes. It’s possible that’s what one person, Chevy Chase, thought. Anyway. Now I realize what people mean when they insinuate that Chevy Chase was/is an asshole. I was more used to his less threatening Film Persona that I was raised on as a kid. Anyway. I’m sure he’s okay. He’s old now! You can’t be an asshole when you’re old! You’ve been humbled by the aging process! Elderly people are often jerks. They’ve got nothing to lose by taking their imminent death out on the rest of us. I dunno. Saw my Endocrinologist this morning. YEAH I gained 2-3 pounds over 3 months. Coulda been worse! SURE I’ll have some string cheese right now. It’s a thing some people do every now and then. What else. What did they write on my Coffee Cup today. : ) enjoy Thanks! I will! I am! I have been! I think I’ll see SINNERS this weekend. It’s getting good reviews and stirring up controversy. At first I thought the controversy was because of how it deals with Race but upon further research I think it’s because of how the Entertainment News Media initially reported on it’s Box Office Results Great. Let’s focus in on the important issues. Anyway. Sinners. One, “joke,” I came up with this weekend was Hey it was just Easter. I like Easter. The last supper. Jesus Dined For Our Sins. Who’s gonna stop me from saying it! Nobody!
Fifth paragraph. Okay. Might write only five paragraphs today. Probably better for both me and you! Maybe that should be the standard moving forward. Probably better for both me and you! Anyway. My facial style for Comedy Class Session #1 was No Haircut, No Shaving, Glasses. Disheveled Writery Look. Looking at myself in the Computer Mirror, I dunno if I quite pulled it off, but I think it was generally the right idea. I guess I should commit to it. Doesn’t make sense to be unshaved one day and shaved the next week. Or wear glasses one day and not the next time. Make a choice and stick with it for The Month And A Halflong Class, that’s my instinct. Just be yourself! Great. Maybe this is myself. Well I’ll have to look into that. Anyway. Don’t mean to brag but my blood pressure was like 98 today. That’s probably better than a lot of you. I don’t know. Now I wanna watch Return Of The Living Dead. There’s a scene where nurses are taking People –> Zombies blood pressure and they’re like are you getting anything, my guy don’t seem to have no blood pressure. And the other guy is like my guy neither wtf. Anyway. IF something reminds me of Return Of The Living Dead then YES I am likely going to want to rewatch it sooner than later. LET’S ALL REWATCH IT and meet back here tomorrow to compare notes! Anyway. I guess that’s it for today. I’ll see ya tomorrow.
-5:10 P.M.
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