Alright. I guess that’s good. The person in front of me actually Marty Mcfly’d in Starbucks today. Straight up asked the barista is there just any drink I can get that has no sugar. She offered him Black Coffee. I was so excited that we had a time traveler in our midst that I didn’t register how he responded to that. Kinda tuned out because I was still trying to process the entire situation. I need to be more aware of my surroundings in important situations like this. DId he accept Coffee? Did he go into the phone booth and tear out a page to phone a friend? Huh. That scene in Back To The Future always bothered me. Marty McFly tears a page out of the phone book which has Doc Brown’s 1955 residential address and phone number. And no one seems bothered or reprimands him for it. Uh. That’s a public phone book. YOU JUST RUINED IT FOR EVERYONE. Now other people might have trouble finding people! WHOLE two-sided page of people GONE! ARE YOU GONNA ORDER SOMETHING KID or what. Marty Mcfly doesn’t even LIVE there. It’d be one thing if he lives in the town. Then you could argue the phone book Almost Kind Of belongs to him at least a little. He’s just passing by! Huh. He lives there in space but not time. That’s not living there. I can move to Alaska in a few years but that doesn’t mean that I Live In Alaska Right Now. Bad News for me yesterday– I got Turkey Dinner but forgot to ask for no Gravy. Covered in gravy. Gravy is gross! Who likes this crap. Did the American Indians turn us onto gravy? Or was that all White People All The Way. Better LTURQ.

It’s a white person thing. I woulda guessed! But I didn’t bother. Why bother forming prospective thoughts and ideas when I can just Look That Up Right Quick. Anyway. Today might be Hitler’s Birthday. OR it was a couple of days ago. Great now I gotta GET HIM a present. I don’t understand the logic to that joke. Anyway. It was a couple of days ago. 4.20. I knew it was one of those days! That reminds me of a bit I did a few years ago on an older crazysheet about how if they saved Hitler’s brain, it wouldn’t really as smoothly as they want. New Hitler would be like You got my brain from WHERE?!?! Or like I used to be WHO?!? Or more likely you raise new Hitler from infancy-type state to become a Hitlerish Hitler and at first he’s like Who’s Hitler. You were. What’s that. The person you have to be again. I’m tired I want a banana. Anyway maybe that’s a bit I can write for Comedy Class! WOW. A THING. Is it a thing where they Clone Hitler. There’s saving his brain and then there’s Cloning Him. Slightly different premise. My jokes make even more sense with Cloning Him! But Saving His Brain is more in the zeitgeist! Huh. Saving Hitler’s Moustache. Could that be a thing. Hitler’s barber musta been pretty pleased with himself. The first guy to give him that style. Musta been looking on in the 30’s and early 40’s VERY pleased with himself. Right up until the end. He probably told his friends You know it’s all in the moustache. When it comes down to it I’m really responsible for all of this. Wouldn’t say it outside his social circle. That’s the kind of thing that could get him in trouble!

Hitler might have shaved himself. Most men shave their own facial hair. I dunno. Might have to do some research on that! What are the odds that if Hitler never existed that Hitler would be the name of a band at some point in the latter half of the 20th century or the 21st century. PRETTY HIGH! Just SOUNDS like a band name. Hitler. IF You’re able to properly remove All Other Context for the name. IF you can completely forget about Adolf for a second. Hitler sounds like the name of a band at some point from somewhere. Well first of all because they produce Hits. That’s the first reason it makes sense. I dunno. If it was ME, the second syllable would be a reference to the LIRR. Which is where I developed and nurtured my love of music. The Long Island Railroad. Listening to mp3 player back and forth during high school. And sometimes college. And I suppose every now and then adult life! Anyway. Would you go back in time and kill Baby Hitler. Why don’t you just go back and make sure his parents don’t conceive him. That way no one has to die! But then Love Making is prevented. You’re stopping people from having a good time! That’s another kind of Hurting People! Anyway. We can’t go back in time and do anything. So we don’t need to speculate on what we would do. We can go forward in time. Not really that either! We can be in the moment of time that we’re in. THAT’S ABOUT IT. We can PREPARE for the future though. That’s a thing! What’s going on again.

Okay. Fourth paragraph! To be clear I think Hitler would be a bad band name. But one that could probably exist. What else. I’m almost done with the first season of SNL. Did people think Hey Chevy Chase is great and the rest of these guys are assholes. It’s possible that’s what one person, Chevy Chase, thought. Anyway. Now I realize what people mean when they insinuate that Chevy Chase was/is an asshole. I was more used to his less threatening Film Persona that I was raised on as a kid. Anyway. I’m sure he’s okay. He’s old now! You can’t be an asshole when you’re old! You’ve been humbled by the aging process! Elderly people are often jerks. They’ve got nothing to lose by taking their imminent death out on the rest of us. I dunno. Saw my Endocrinologist this morning. YEAH I gained 2-3 pounds over 3 months. Coulda been worse! SURE I’ll have some string cheese right now. It’s a thing some people do every now and then. What else. What did they write on my Coffee Cup today. : ) enjoy Thanks! I will! I am! I have been! I think I’ll see SINNERS this weekend. It’s getting good reviews and stirring up controversy. At first I thought the controversy was because of how it deals with Race but upon further research I think it’s because of how the Entertainment News Media initially reported on it’s Box Office Results Great. Let’s focus in on the important issues. Anyway. Sinners. One, “joke,” I came up with this weekend was Hey it was just Easter. I like Easter. The last supper. Jesus Dined For Our Sins. Who’s gonna stop me from saying it! Nobody!

Fifth paragraph. Okay. Might write only five paragraphs today. Probably better for both me and you! Maybe that should be the standard moving forward. Probably better for both me and you! Anyway. My facial style for Comedy Class Session #1 was No Haircut, No Shaving, Glasses. Disheveled Writery Look. Looking at myself in the Computer Mirror, I dunno if I quite pulled it off, but I think it was generally the right idea. I guess I should commit to it. Doesn’t make sense to be unshaved one day and shaved the next week. Or wear glasses one day and not the next time. Make a choice and stick with it for The Month And A Halflong Class, that’s my instinct. Just be yourself! Great. Maybe this is myself. Well I’ll have to look into that. Anyway. Don’t mean to brag but my blood pressure was like 98 today. That’s probably better than a lot of you. I don’t know. Now I wanna watch Return Of The Living Dead. There’s a scene where nurses are taking People –> Zombies blood pressure and they’re like are you getting anything, my guy don’t seem to have no blood pressure. And the other guy is like my guy neither wtf. Anyway. IF something reminds me of Return Of The Living Dead then YES I am likely going to want to rewatch it sooner than later. LET’S ALL REWATCH IT and meet back here tomorrow to compare notes! Anyway. I guess that’s it for today. I’ll see ya tomorrow.

-5:10 P.M.

Hey, friends!  What’s this here?  Personal website?  Online journal?  Blog?  I know it’s Lots Of Words, one after another.  Just a cavalcade of words that may or may not have meaning or worth!  I have very low expectations.  When you write something you might take for granted it will Make Some Sense and Be Worth SOMETHIN’ in the end.  I HOLD NO ILLUSIONS. Hold no Allusions.  Hmm.  Nah it’ll be okay.  Been 6.5 weeks since last entry.  Been working a lot on music.  I’ve been getting better!  Then I spent some time getting worse!  Then I got better again!  Then I went ahead and got worse.  Now I forget where I’m at as of this moment.  Earth.  Yes.  Good.  Anyway.  Still just spending 3-4 hours on Music Days doing dumb Half Songs with no preparation or intent.  Not really trying.  No real trying to write a real song!  A couple of times I tried to try and that didn’t work.  I find it hard on account of (1) Brain sucks (2) no inspiration (3) Mediocre Skill Level (4) What’s the point.  Anyway.  I MAY be finding a Proto-voice, though.  Music voice.  Not necessarily singing voice.  MOSTLY I think I errantly just Talk Sing because I don’t care enough I guess. But I’m figuring out a Proto-SOUND I guess I could say.  I dunno!  All of our favorites Talk Sing.  We just don’t pick up on it.  I don’t know if that’s true.  It might be true!  Philosophy-wise I SAID IT.  Therefore IT’S OUT THERE. EXISTING.  Just saying something doesn’t make it true.  ARE YOU SURE.
    The pope died.  We’re Popeless right now!  Normally I try to keep a positive attitude but right now we’re popeless.   Can’t believe this guy was Pope for 12 years.  Feels like it was just a year or two he was crowned Pope!  I think I’m thinking of King Charles.  Ok.  Who’s this guy again?  He leads the Catholics in Prayer and Worship and whatknot.  Gives em lifestyle tips.  Kind of like Catholic Oprah?  Anyway.  How about a Female Pope for once.  TIME’S UP.  Star Wars Episode IV: A New Pope.  I never liked That Title for Star Wars.  A New Hope.  WHAT WAS THE LAST HOPE.  Then again I never watched Star Wars too hard.  ALL THE MORE REASON to not use that title.  You’re telling all of us This Is A NEW HOPE.  But none of us know what you’re talking about.  WHAT HOPE.  Compared to what.  EXPLAIN YOURSELF.  Ugh.  Do I get to vote for pope?  No.  But I can still CAMPAIGN for someone!  I can find a candidate I support and LOBBY for them!  I still have SOME SWAY in this process!  Anyway.  New York City Mayoral Democratic Primary in a couple of months.  Vote for the guy… what’s his name.. JAMBANDI.  RAMMANDI.  Hmm.  I don’t think I’m gonna figure out his real name.  Damnbambi.  MAMDANI.That’s it!  Anyway He’s The Best Candidate AND With The Best Chance Of Winning.  You don’t want Cuomo.  The dude is just another Criminal.  Another sociopath.  Another asshole who clearly will only work for himself and not New York.  WHY would you, DEMOCRATS, elect him to be mayor for four years.  JUST DON’T DO IT.  I BELIEVE IN YOU.
   Well who knows what I believe in.  I believe you’ll get what you vote for!  So there’s that.I dunno.  Is it The People’s Fault if they’re Politically Illiterate.  And they’re like Hey, I’VE HEARD OF who Andrew Cuomo is.  I dunno these other people are.  CASE CLOSED I’m voting for Cuomo.  Or is it the media’s fault for molding them that way?  There’s enough blame to spread it around I guess!  Even I take some blame.  I should be lobbying for Mamdani as much as I am for whoever I am for The Next Pope.  I’m supporting whoever played the Fed Ex Pope on Conan to become Real Pope.  I forget who it was.  Anyway I think they know the role pretty well already so they deserve at least a chance to audition.  Apparently it’s Brian McCann.  Good.  So is it HIM becoming Pope or Him In Character as Fedex Pope becoming pope.  You can make an argument for either one.  Huh.  I started Advanced Stand Up Comedy Class last Thursday.  I realized in the hours leading up to it Uh Oh I might be the only one in the class NOT NEARLY ADVANCED ENOUGH.  I’m not really ready for learning ADVANCED stand up comedy in the larger sense!  Didn’t occur to me until just before the class started.  LUCKILY when the class started, it turned out for the most part the other 5 students are about at my level too.  Mostly just took the previous UCB Class and liked it so they took this class too.  THEY AIN’T REALLY READY TO BECOME ADVANCED EITHER.  They still beginnerish just like me!
    Great.  I gotta come up with 5 minutes/10 punchlines for Thursday Night’s class.  Over the weekend I came up with 3-4 jokes.  No monologue.  Just unconnected jokes.  I’m glad I came up with anything!  Great!  Huh.  Almost done with the Lorne Michaels book.  It’s a pretty good book!  Now I know all about SNL.  And how Lorne Michaels works.  I guess now I have to forget it and move on with my life.  It was pretty engrossing while I was reading it!  I also started binge watching old SNL starting with Season One in 1975.  Adding to the Immersive Experience.  So I dunno if I’ll continue on with that when I finish Book or what!  Next two books are Mark Hoppus of Blink 182 and Neko Case of Herself & Miscellaneous Autobiographies.  Those are AUTO.What is Otto from the Simpson’s last name.  I NEED IT to make a pun for a book about him where it’s something like ‘His Last Name’: An Otto Biography.  OH Come ON.  Internet says it’s Mann.  Simpsons.  Lorne Michaels wouldn’t approve!   He doesn’t like joke names!  And if he doesn’t like it I DON’T LIKE IT.  Anyway.  Wait a second.  I remember now.  It’s all coming back to me.  I remember Bart calling him Hey Otto Man at some point.  I thought he was just saying, “Hey, Otto, Man!” Was he?  He may have still been saying that.  OR he may have been saying, “Hey, Otto Mann!”  This show is confusing.
    Okay!  Drummer for The New Pornographers which Neko Case participates in was arrested for filming children nude or doing sex acts or something.  I mean.  The band name is a dead give away.  Pornographers.  New.  …New PEOPLE.  Kids.  They’re new at being people.  OF COURSE at least one of them would be a pornographer of new people.  Band names have a tendency to be prophetic!  They’re one of my top five or ten favorite bands.  Don’t hold the rest of them responsible For One Bad Apple.  I’m sure the majority of the band aren’t pedophiles.  I guess reading the book will help clarify some things for me!  Anyway.  HOW did I do in class last Thursday?  I got some laughs!  Overall I did a 5 out of 10 I think for the jokes I had to come up with In Class!  Reading about early SNL inspired me to smoke a little bit of weed beforehand.  I think it loosened me up a bit!  JUST TOOK two or three hits!  Still was Very Tight and In My Head About Things!  But in a loose way inwardly.  Was too focused on myself to Take In everyone else.  I took in enough to not be too intimidated by them.  But they seemed FUNNY ENOUGH.  Got some skills!  And they seemed like nice people.  Only six people to the class.  Only six sessions to the class.  Teacher seemed okay.  Like a real person.  A person who knows things.  What’s that like.
    Halfway through the entry.   I’m a student!  We don’t know anything!  She’s the teacher. She knows everything!  What a strange dynamic.  What else is going on.  Gotta write The Same Amount Of Things as I Just Wrote.  Five paragraphs.  What if Andrew Cuomo becomes mayor.  And he reads this entry.  And then he uses his power to destroy me.  Well that sounds like something that might happen.  Which is one reason why I don’t support him for mayor!  NOT really the kind of qualities I’m looking for!  I’m looking for someone more focused on doing a good job for the people of New York And Whatknot!  ANYWAY neighborhood development added Compost Buckets around.  Now I’m supposed to throw out certain things into Compost Barrels.  Banana Peels and Pizza Boxes.  Not sure what else.  That’s all I know as of this moment.  Figure it’s probably good for the environment.  Why else would we be doing it?  SO it’s extra work but it’s for a good cause!  ‘VIRONMENT.  Or maybe it’s just Busy Work to keep us occupied while The Ruling Class is taking advantage of us so we don’t register it.  OH IT’S THAT?  FUCK.  I wonder if I can get Pizza from the Diner delivery tonight.  I can’t.  What’s the closest thing to pizza I can get.  Not Close Enough.
    Seventh paragraph!  Mediterranean Dishes.  That’s as close as it gets!  That’s Very Far away.  I don’t know.  What else is going on.  Will I have this done by the time I order?  It’ll be close!  Probably not!  I also watched the movie Saturday Night.  The dramatization film.  LOVED IT.  I probably wouldn’t have liked it as much if I hadn’t read the Lorne Michaels book.  But having read the book… and having taken comedy classes the last 2 years… and having written Comedy Website forever… and having always been a wisecracker I guess and always liking SNL throughout most phases of my life… and having a mother who liked SNL when it was first on DOT DOT DOT it all added up into THAT MOVIE WAS GREAT!  Also I like how they cast a short guy to play Lorne Michaels.  That’s the kind of person that I am!  DIFFERENT than the rest of society.  A BIT OF AN OUTCAST.  Never quite fitting in!  I wonder if I would be More Normal if I was taller.  Never really thought about it!  Maybe if I happened to be taller, would that solve all my problems indirectly!  HUH!  I dunno.  It’d solve some of my problems.  But I don’t think it solve ALL.  Brain chemistry would still be fucked.  I BET. 
   WELL EITHER WAY.  I remember watching the early 1990’s SNL cast and absorbing it like I was roughly a pre-teen.  I dunno.  Could it be a Mandela effect type thing?  I’m not sure.  Adam Sandler/Chris Farley cast.  Pretty sure I can remember watching those shows vaguely and enjoying them!  But I would have been 5 years old.  A BIT too young to get much out of them.  But I’m 90% sure I watched SNL for some of that time and I’m 80% sure I got something out of it.  I was pretty jaded as a five year old so I could relate to SNL’s subversive humor a lot I think.  YEAH.  IS SNL subversive or is it for kids?  WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE.  I dunno.  Hard to say!  Anyway.  Now I want a Subway Sandwish.  Keep using the prefix Sub.  Only a matter a time before I want one for myself!  Yeah.  I don’t like today’s entry!  I only like every other entry!  And I only like most of those entries In Retrospect!  Most of the time while I’m writing an entry It Sucks!  So far one of my favorite hosts of the first season was Anthony Perkins.  The guy was just a funny team player who wore glasses the entire time!  I TOTALLY BELIEVED he needed the glasses to see!
   Penultimate paragraph.  The shitty thing about this website is I have to do it again the next day.  And then the day after that.  And then roughly at that point I get to take a weekend off.  And then it starts up again.  Huh.  I don’t like the sound of that.  Permanent Vacation!  That’s the life for me!  Where can I request that.  HEY if you’re doing what you love you never work a day in your life.  What about if I’m doing something I like.  Then you work every other day in your life roughly more or less on average.ROUNDS OFF to every other day.  Doesn’t literally equate to One Day Working, One Day Off!  Oh Okay.  Great.  SKETCH IDEA New Pope but it’s like he’s auditioning for Lorne Michaels.  Follow up question WHO IS IT FOR.  People who read the Lorne Michaels book or watched the 50th Anniversary SNL documentaries on Peacock or just SNL/Comedy Superfans in general.  What’s the joke.  I can only think of one or two defining characteristics of that interview process that might, “Play,” in that sketch.  AH WELL.  Huh.  Got nineteen minutes to write the next paragraph before I order Dinner Diner Delivery for me and my Dad.  We’ll see if I finish the paragraph before we put in the phone call!
     Anyway.  I should make this paragraph COUNT.  Don’t just retread what I accomplished in past paragraphs.  Make something NEW with this sequence of sentences.  I dunno we’ll see.  Those Muppets on the first season of SNL are terrifying.  If I saw those as a kid I would have been scared of them.  I’m scared of them now!  Very unnerving.  Glad it happened though.  It’s a cautionary tale.  They existed for 24 episodes or whatever so we’ll never have to see them again, I hope.  IT’S GOOD TO KNOW what’s out there.  So we know to avoid it!  Whatever.  What else is up.  Today’s entry IS.  It happened!  Now we gotta start worrying about tomorrow’s entry.  Probably’ll be different than today.  That’s my goal as of this moment.Actually my goal-thinking is How Late Can I Stay Up Tonight to enjoy Maximum Amount Of Free Time.  My goal as of this moment is Stay Up Past 11:00 P.M. Tonight! SET MY SIGHTS SHORT I guess.  I dunno.  Can’t think of much else to aim for!  WHAT ELSE IS THERE EVEN.  Stay Up Past 12:00 A.M. Tonight.  Well that’s just not very realistic.  Anyway.  I’ll see ya tomorrow.

-6:12 P.M.