Shut up. Just get to the entry already. I don’t have time for these dumb titles all the time! Almost done with the Neko Case book. There’s one chapter which is just about how unappealing it is to be a touring musician. She balances it out by saying how good it can be, too, but it’s the bad parts that were registering for me. What the Hell. At this point I dunno if I even want to become a touring musician. There is no perfect job though. Designing Cars. Specifically when Homer Simpson worked for his half brother Herb. That was a perfect job up until it backfired and he ended up doing a shitty job bankrupting the company and Herb. There were no STAKES to it for him. He had a chance to be CREATIVE. People LISTENED to him. It always bothered me that Herb became homeless just because the company he owned produced one unpopular car. Is that realistic? Some ultra-respected multi-millionaire who lives on an a mansion estate… literally OWNS (or runs) the company.. makes one bad business decision… somehow winds up with LESS THAN NOTHING??? I mean that seems kind of extreme! I mean worst case scenario is he loses his job. Why would he end up completely penniless as fuck!

Just watched a Danny DeVito episode of SNL from 1982 or so. Not so great. I ended up having a dream about The Whiners. That recurring sketch duo. Which was extremely annoying. Pretty annoying on TV. Even more annoying In Real Life! Which dreams ARE per my understanding. I like young Danny DeVito. More of an actor and less of a slapsticker. I like him as a comedy guy for as he gets older but I like him as an actor guy too. PEOPLE get to be DIFFERENT PEOPLE throughout their lives. Really up to them! For example I used to be a regular person. Then I became insane. Lately I’ve sorta just been riding the middle for a while. If only someone would tell me to just not be crazy! I’d probably do it! I’m just sitting here waiting for that direction from up above! I clearly know that’s the message I WOULD be getting from An Up Above Voice. Don’t Be Crazy. Isn’t that enough? Hmm. In the meantime I’m just gonna be doing this. Slapsticker is what we call hockey player here in the states. Which states. The united ones. What are we united for and/or against. We’re united against PEACE. We’re united for OUR ENEMIES. More like Kind of a loose configuration of states. 50 is too many states to be strongly UNITED. Much too much to keep track of! I’d say 20, 30 tops is as many states as can be Completely United. We’re more like the Affiliated States Of America!

And it’s fine that way! We don’t need New York to be in a strong reciprocal relationship with Nebraska! Anyway. Do you think Donald Trump could name all 50 states if you gave him the entire afternoon? The question really is how high could he get. 30, 35? Well, that’s fun. The latest episode of The Studio has Ice Cube playing the KOOL-Aid Man. Just like my Mr. Freeze pun. I feel nice to be on the same wavelength as Hollywood albeit a little bit behind. I put it out there before they did. But they came up with it before I did! So it’s a wash I guess. I like that show. Could be worse! I can really relate to it because That’s Kind Of How I Imagine Things Work From Afar In A Way I Guess If I Really Thought About It And Then Also Let My Imagination Drift Away From Me. Television. It’s a fun show. Seth Rogen of course forever immortalized up in the Weezer song. Pork and Beans. “They say I need some Rogen to put in my hair.” That’s how you know you made it! When you’re in songs. What. It’s about Joe Rogan you say? But he wasn’t that popular at the time. Ask Seth Rogen whether he thinks it’s about Joe Rogen. HE KNOWS who it’s about.

Huh. Next line is, “Working out at the Jim to fit my underwear.” Now it gets a little tricky but we’re probably assuming Rivers is talking about Jim from The Office played by John Krasinski. Michael what other people are in that song. I dunno who cares. I tend to tune out after two people. I can’t keep track of everybody! Well, anyway, I dunno. Gotta write 5 minutes of Stand Up for tomorrow’s class. Should do that tonight. Get it out of the way! Ugh. I could piece together five minutes from Blog Entries. I guess we’ll see. There’s a sketch from SNL in the second or so season about Blogs. I forget if the guy’s name was Blog or it was just Blog Treatments or something for Weight Loss. Anyway. I found it prescient. In real life blogs aren’t directly correlated to Weight Loss. Not really. Maybe they are now that I think about it abstractly. I’ll think about things thoughtfully if you ask me to I’ve got the time and means! Anyway. I don’t think I’ve ever seen National Lampoon’s Animal House. Or anyone else’s. I want to watch it even though I don’t have particularly high hopes. Seems like something we should do before we die!

Alright. I don’t know who John Belushi is. All the pieces I’m aware of Doesn’t Add Up to a complete picture to me! And even though he might have been not exactly like his character in this movie, seeing how he came at the role might help me figure him out a bit. LUSH. That’s a word. It’s in his name. I forget what it means exactly. Gotta imagine that was tough for him as a child. I never thought about my name as a child. Why would I have to. IT’S for other people to identify you. I already knew who I was. Literally never thought about my name one bit. Think about it all the time now these days. Great. Have you guys seen my nail clipper. Gotta be here somewhere. Anyway I’m pretty dumb because my first reaction to the title of Blink 182 guy’s book Fahrenheit 182 was like YOU CAN’T SAY THAT! THAT’S INSENSITIVE. Then I thought about it and changed my mind cause I’m a normal person. What else is up. Fahrenheit 451 is the temperature at which books burn. FINE well make books burn only at higher temperatures then. Figure it out with physics and chemistry. Easy! Done! Get to work! I dunno. I’m done. I’ll see ya tomorrow I hope.

-4:52 P.M.

Yeah! Hey. I’m halfway through Rodney Dangerfield’s only SNL episode, from 1980. There’s a sketch where people keep asking for Rodney Dangerfield sperm at a sperm bank and he has to keep masturbating to keep up with the demand. Funny, but I’m not sure how true to life that really is! I like Rodney Dangerfield but I dunno if I’d go out of my way to have my kid be like Rodney Dangerfield. I don’t want my kid to be like anyone, now that I think about it. I want SOMETHING NEW. I want NEW SPERM if that’s possible. I want my kid to be a real original. People leave meeting him or her or them and be like I ain’t seen THAT before. Anyway I’m about 2/3rds done with Neko Case book. Her last name Case is a weird last name but it’s overshadowed by her weirder first name Neko but in a strange way her weirder first name Neko is balanced out by her strange last name Case which makes it a pretty normal name all in all. All in all WHAT A NAME, normal or weird, either way you’re leaning. Anyway. Her voice really stands out! When ya listen to her sing. Most vocalists blend into the music. They’re just another track with the instrumentalisms. Neko Case voice always stands out from the rest of the music to me. YEAH. I think I wouldn’t mind having that kind of set-up if I were a singer. Having my vocalisms sonically stand out that much over the rest of the song. It feels nice sometimes. Sometimes a singing stand out can actually subtly draw attention back to the music. IT MAKES YOU THINK.

OK. Canada elected a Pope yesterday. The one that was the good one! I’m happy about that. Pope Minister. Whatever. He’s MY President. Whatever his name is. Jim Varney. James And The Giant Peach. Jules Verne. Mark Carney. That’s what I said. James Cagney. I think I tried reading James And The Giant Peach when I was a kid and was honestly turned off from the story just because I don’t like peaches in real life. I dislike peach as food. So I just couldn’t get into a story tangentially about peaches. Otherwise I was a feracious reader! I think the guy uses the giant peach for traveling, right? It’s not about him eating a giant peach bit by bit, night by night? That seems like the normal thing to do. If you had a giant peach that’s what you’d do with it. NO I think this guy gets on a giant peach and it flies for some reason and he goes across town or something. Whatever. I’m sure Roald Dahl knew what he was doing. He’s a professional writer. Don’t ask questions. Besides, They published the thing! They wouldn’t have done that if Dahl had used the wrong fruit or vegetable for him to be travelling on. Or if he had gone in a totally different direction about what James should be doing with a Giant Peach.

If SOME ARTIST made James And The Giant Peach today it’d be a youtube video of a guy eating a really big peach in 60 seconds. That’s modern culture. Gotta go where the clicks are. There’s very few clicks in Childrens Lit. I don’t know anything about clicks. It’s possible I even have Clicks Information available to me about my website. I don’t even know! I might be able to tell if anyone from Ecuador, for example, is reading this website. Do I really want to know. I’m not sure. I think I’d like to know all the locations that exist that are inspired by The Equator that read crazysheet.org! Equator. They forgot to Take My Equator when they did my Vital Signs today at Bloodwork when I saw Psychiatrist earlier this morning. They did weight. They did blood pressure. They did my temperature. They took blood. DIDN’T DO WAIST. Also person said I might be developing scar tissue in my arm from getting blood work done so much? That’s not supposed to happen! People are gonna think I’m a junkie. Just because I love getting bloodwork done all the time! Don’t judge me for LIVING MY LIFE. Huh. I don’t like getting bloodwork done. It’s a hassle having to do it once a month. Like 18 times a year actually. And yeah I like the actual needle sensation but it’s just a fraction of my visit! Overall it’s a waste of my time!

Huh. WHATEVER. EVERYONE GATHER ROUND for a penultimate paragraph. Looks like I did it! Wrote the entire thing. AGAIN. As you can see I wrote all the entry up to this point, I wrote what you’re reading right now, and if you take a peek you can see I wrote the rest of it too! Great. I don’t like the sound of that. I don’t trust me to do a good job having writing something. Oh well. What else is going on. I remember yesterday’s entry. Why isn’t today’s entry like that. Yesterday’s wasn’t so great. But at least it made sense to me. This one bothers me. I don’t understand it. Well that’s the nature of Days for you. SOME OF THEM ARE GOOD. Then some of them are bad. SOME OF THEM MAKE SENSE. Then some of them are sad. Sometimes they are long. Sometimes they are short. Perhaps they don’t belong in song. Perhaps! I retort. Days can be inspiration for song. Specific Things that hap (happen) during days. I’ll take it on a haps perhaps basis. Great Makes Sense. Alright. I got hot dogs and french fries for dinner tonight. (1) If it comes before fries we shouldn’t have to capitalize French. (2) They’re not French Fries unless they come from the … region of France. (3) I’m done where’s everyone going after the entry?

Last paragraph! How’s everyone doing. Almost done with the entry. I can’t believe it. I almost am done with my work for the day. I’m stuck here on Earth with the rest of you shitheads. Still after this is over. Isn’t that kind of a vocation? I guess! I don’t fully see it. Okay. I guess a little bit. There’s some responsibility in being a shithead but let’s not go crazy. Moving on. Okay. Where should we move onto. I dunno. We don’t all have to go places as a group. Let’s split up and explore separately. Then report back later what we found. Wore new pants for the first time today. Blue jeans. Did I need a belt? No. Did it help? Yeah. Did I need a BLT? No. Did it help? Yeah. —Some guy at some point. Folded up the legs of the pants not once but twice. Otherwise they woulda been too long. Great. We’ve all always assumed David Letterman’s production company Worldwide Pants is some absurdist joke but there’s at least a 50% chance there’s a near-and-dear to his heart reason for that name. He actually has worldwide pants on the mind and soul from the start. Just won’t say what it is, that’s not in the spirit of the joke! Michael it’s just a straightforward name. Worldwide Pants. It’s about Worldwide pants … as a metaphor… what don’t you get. METAPHOR. Heard of the word? I guess. I’m not convinced. I’m leaning towards it meaning nothing ideally. I’m just glad to be talking to somebody. Anyway, I’ll see ya later.

-4:45 P.M.

Hey, friends! How was everyone’s weekend? Did everyone remember to do their homework? Pages F through H of the encyclopedia? Remember– if you didn’t do it in pen I won’t count it! Pencil? No credit! Typed? No credit! Didn’t do anything at all? NO CREDIT. I like Rodney Dangerfield’s long running gag where He Gets No Credit for anything. I tell ya I get no credit. It was no fun going to the arcade as as kid. My parents didn’t give me anything with which I could play the games. MISDIRECTION. Did Rodney Dangerfield direct Back To School? We don’t know because even if he did it’s been established he doesn’t get credit for things. I imagine a lady directing it for some reason. It was a miss direction. It was some guy named Alan Metter. That sounds like some sort of joke-pun name but I can’t figure out what it means. All In Meter. Taxi Cab. Oh. I Get it. Not yet. I’ll think about it some more though. “I get no respect,” Rodney goes. But We’re Respecting You Right Now! We’re watching you do comedy engagedly! Laughing along and hanging on your every word! In this very moment! You need to take stock in what’s happening around you IMO. Rod Knee Dangerfield. Something about losing a knee after it being blown up by a mine. Is that his backstory? I don’t like it. You can’t have a rod for a knee. Knee gotta be pliable.

Okay. Was this dangerous minefield the same one where we buried That Other Guy’s Heart? At Wounded Knee? And it got it’s name from Rodney Dangerfield’s Misfortunate Event? ANYWAY. Had comedy class #2 of 6 last Thursday. Went alright! My jokes didn’t make up a full 5 minutes. And they didn’t go over like gangbusters because let’s face it they weren’t gangbusters jokes. But I survived. Other classmates were surprisingly good! I was impressed. And they’re supportive people, too. Teacher is nice. Gotta write five more minutes for next class! Do I have any prompts? Yeah a few. Good! Did Rodney Dangerfield know one day some jerk would be making fun of his name for his own amusement and also for a possible cybercrowd that’s gathered ’round? He may have seen it coming! If I’m famous or successful or well known enough one day I’m sure people will make fun of my name. Sure they will. People will be chomping at the bit to get to the bottom of what my name is all about. Yeah. How can people know my name when normally I go out of my way to Not Say My Name. I DO say it sometimes. But four out of five times I have a chance to say my name I WON’T SAY IT. For Privacy Reasons! Please respect my privacy in these times like this! My name is Michael Kornblum. Right? Seems about accurate. NOTHING WRONG with saying it! Michael Kornblum. It’s a safe thing to do. Saying your name. Michael Kornblum! FUN TOO. IT’S A FUN NAME.

That name sucks. What are you talking about. I want to hear new names if you got any. Hearing names all the time. That’s the life for me. Just recite names. I’ll be entertained and laugh and write down ones that I connect with. Anyway. Did a bit of music over the weekend. I’m building up a nice collection of Bad Music I Shouldn’t Listen To Again. Feels like I’m gonna continue working on music because I get something out of it. Put something into it. Something there inside of it! I probably should figure out how to make it a lot better though. It’s good to some extent I think but can I make it Actually A Lot Better? WHY was that question mark not in italics? HEY I’M TALKING TO YOU. I don’t know it was just an instinct I had! AN INSTINCT? You know when you just do things… based on… instincts! IN STINCT. OH. IN STINK’D. Great. Moving on! Where are instincts. I lost track of what to say. Alright. Halfway through the entry! How do I feel about how I’m doing so far? I feel like it’s a three or four. Out of what. That’s not up to me. That’s beyond my pay grade. That’s weird. I should know how well I’m doing with today’s entry. BY INKSKID. But I knoestly can’t tell! Alright. What else is going on. One of the prompts for jokes to come up with is Two Normal One Weird. Teacher suggests I write jokes in that format. Have some sort of set-up and the punchline is two normal responses and then one weird one. Can I give me an example. Sorry no good point I can’t. I gotta look into it before I do that homework. Cause right now I can’t picture it easily. What can I picture easily. CLOUDS. FICTIONAL CLOUDS. Picturing animated clouds not real life ones!

Just had some blue jeans arrive. AS opposed to your jeans made of other colors. LOOK I need to look into what other colors jeans come in I guess. I don’t wanna be left out of a trend of people wearing other color jeans. People wear black jeans I think. I’ve worn black jeans. Maybe they were just real dark blue. White jeans feels like a thing. I wouldn’t fault people for doing light yellow. Even red jeans on occasion seem to exist in my imagination. So does All The People Sharing All The World. I don’t know where I got it first but now that’s in there and I can’t get it out! What kind a color is that joke. What’s the color associated with Bombs. IF IMAGINE HAPPENED, and all the people were sharing all the world what would be the first thing you do? I want to hear from you! Who are you people. Maybe I should come up with some answers. Well my first Instantx is to say something bad. Something wrong. But that’s just me. If I gave enough answers I would eventually hit on a few good ones and possibly even the exact correct one. Alright. I’m picturing Imaginocolypse being people literally holding hands in a big circle but we don’t have to do that forever, right? Get it out of our system for half an hour and then move on with our lives. I can’t sway back and forth with you guys much longer than one afternoon. It’s funny how the one thing which is the first thing we do Once Ultimate Joy And Peace is unlocked is something WE NEVER DO in our real lives. If this is something we love so much HOW COME WE DON’T DO IT ALREADY. We can’t like Joining Circle that much if it’s not part of our regular lives AS IS.

Okay. Got second half of Popeye’s tonight. Second half of Popeyes is NO HALF AT ALL. You guys can relate to this. Part II of a take out delivery often holds up compared to the original eating. Popeyes though I think has a big drop off from Night One to Night Two! I think I just am bothered by other things on my mind and it’s manifesting as being worried about not being excited about fried chicken again at dinner. MAYBE I WILL ENJOY IT. Maybe I will. Sorry what was I talking about. KFC lost all credibility with me when they changed their name from Kentucky Fried Chicken to KFC. After that I was done with them. Only get them when it’s convenient. Who cares. KENTUCKY Fried Chicken. Like that’s supposed to impress me. “Oh, you’re telling me Kentucky is a good place for doing chicken right?” YOU CAN’T EVEN GET PEOPLE RIGHT. Hey that’s mean. I don’t think I like that joke. Internet, give me a list of Great People From Kentucky. Actually a lot of great people are from Kentucky. Too much. IT’S KIND OF STRANGE. I bet if you looked into it you could find a great person from every 50 state. I don’t like that joke. Just not funny. Good point. I’m due for a great joke RIGHT NOW. SINSYNCT COME IN RIGHT NOW. Hey there are lots of states out there and great people evenly distributed among them. Hey I have an idealet’s rank people. NO. We’re all equal. EQUAL. I guess. Is the circle hand-enjoining premise to make sure we’re holding hands with Different Kind Of Neighbor? That might be the whole idea. That we’re making contact with a different type of person we don’t know, race or sexuality or gender or whatever. If I’m holding hands with my best friend in Peace Circle WHAT ARE WE ACCOMPLISHING ANYWAY! Anyway. That’s it. I’ll see ya tomorrow.

-4:32 P.M.

Hey, friends. I slept till 1 PM today. At the end of the sleep I was dreaming through a funny plot for a Simpsons Treehouse of Horror segment. I actually wrote it down! Not that Unique in retrospect. Kind of a rehashment of plots I’ve seen time and time again on TV. And in movies. And possibly in Charles Dickens? But I’m glad I can still remember what I dreamt. Usually when I dream something creative I like It’s Forgotten To Time. I went through a good period around 2 years ago where I was writing down my dreams. Not just when I dreamt up TV Shows. But just all dreams I could remember. It’s very productive to remember your dreams! Mentally, spiritually, creatively! Either way that lasted a month or two. But I’ve shown myself it is possible. These days 90% of the time I forget my dreams by the time I wake up. But I’ll try to course correct. Anyway. Watched Speak No Evil last night. That was a pretty good movie. Not sure why we can’t Speak Evil. Seems like that’s one of the most important times we should be speaking! When EVIL is afoot! That’s why Evolution gifted us The Power Of Talk. Warn one another about evil. I dunno. Then again Survival Of The Fittest also gave us The Power To Be Evil to survive. So having other people Speak About It could hinder the Evil People… so this title would make sense because it’s stopping US NON-EVIL GUYS from hurting THE EVIL GUYS… who are trying to do their best to survive themselves…

Okay. It’s a movie. That’s what movies are about. Are you an Evil Guy or a Not Evil Guy. Makes ya think! I’m a not evil guy with plenty of other negative characteristics you might not like. Cool! I don’t like how James McAvoy is an Evil Horror Guy again. He already was a different type of Evil Horror Guy in some other movie! I KNOW to be scared of him but now I’m scared of him in a 15% different way? Just feels wrong! How do I know he’s not still SPLIT and this isn’t just another multiple personality he’s got. Because I know that’s not how Cinematic Universe works. I know All Movies Aren’t Connected. Not to my knowledge. That’d be weird if they are. What if every single movie existed on the same plane as every other movie. What about documentaries. DOCS exist in our world. Unlike fictionals. So if every movie exists in the same universe… that can’t include DOCS, cause if it did, then by the power of Transference, we’d exist in the same universe as all fictional movies! Oh okay. Cool. I live in the same universe as ONE fictional movie and it’s called My Life and that’s it. In what way is my life fictional? I’ve seen no proof it’s real. There’s no evidence supporting it’s claim to actually exist. Great. I dunno. Also, just not really plausible! Then again, if it was fictional, why would it be happening. Fiction is usually there for a reason. There’s meaning in a fictional enterprise. It’s not arbitrary. Meanwhile my life seems to be mostly pointless!

Okay. I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m talking about. What’s my next move. Talk about things I know what I’m talking about. Sure. I don’t like reading random posts on social media. What are they all about. I get stuck reading these posts from strangers or bots and I don’t even know where they’re coming from. This is the set-up to a joke that I will write either now, later, or never. I sort of assume most posts aren’t real people. And if they are real people they’re still writing in a style that appears algorithmically as much as bots. Most posts by real people sound like they’re written by bots! Cause I guess that’s what reaches the highest audiences. OR people these days just talk like robot genuinely. I don’t know! Well. I picked off a scab from my ankle during this paragraph. I hope I get to do it again in a couple of weeks. In the meantime I still got a tiny bit of perforated skin to peel/scratch up at the bottom of my foot that I’ve been playing with. Hurts a bit but that’s what adds to the pleasure! That’s MY Hellraiser. Biting nails, picking scabs, etc. As far as I get into Sadism. I like the lead up more. When you’re circling around the action, when it doesn’t hurt. Once you get to the part where it hurts I’m half off-board in the moment of pain. The point is I’m okay with Sadism In The Bedroom too but that’s just because I’m okay with Anything In The Bedroom. Hey this is your dollar the customer is always right.

What’s my safe word. The little boy in Speak No Evil can’t have a safe word– he has no tongue. It’s an important plot point. When I was a kid I never heard of the phrase Safe Word. It was just assumed You Can’t Do That. I’m not sure why we need Safe Words. Wouldn’t the standard phrases STOP or PLEASE DON’T DO THAT work? Why do we need the entire premise of Safe Word. Because it’s FUN. More romantic. STOP kills the mood. OK. Isn’t it really more of an Unsafe Word. A Safe Word is what you say all the time when each other action is safe. This is an UNSAFE word. This is the joke George Carlin never got around to saying. George Carlin is universally loved and he’s my favorite comedian of all time but he could get a little hacky when you take a step back. We want to afford all his material the awe and respect we give to the bulk that deserves it. But some of it is probably Kinda Lame with fresh eyes! Or not. I dunno. That’s not my problem that’s his. That’s not his problem that’s yours. That’s not your problem that’s mine. Great. WAS Hellraiser inspired by some guy just trying to do a Rubik’s Cube and being like GOD FUCKING DAMNIT THIS FUCKING THING and that just bloomed into a 100 page screenplay. I guess. I like people who play Rubik’s Cube with no strategy. Do they think they’ll eventually figure it out by chance? You’re not! You need to have some idea what you’re doing! Come at it with some sort of angle! You won’t just be randomly twisting and turning and then one day look down and be like HEY I GOT IT!

Alright. I dunno. Maybe we will all figure it out randomly through the process of time. All together. We’ve all been spending 20 minutes a day on The Cube since the 80’s and we will all figure out the Rubik’s Cube together at the same time one day soon because we’ve been doing it Randomly The Exact Same Way. Great! Ice Cube. Was Ice Cube upset he didn’t get the role of Mr. Freeze in Batman & Robin? No. Okay good. How do I know that. He probably wasn’t even in the running so how could he even get a chance to be upset. Okay Great. We could use a Mr. Freeze in real life. Re-Global Warming. Kinda seems like he could be a protagonist if he felt like it. HE KNOWS ABOUT MAKING IT COLDER. So does Coldplay but you don’t need them for anything. Whatever. Gotta imagine Coldplay is a Sex Act reference. Like in Do The Right Thing. They use Ice Cubes. Like in Friday. Anyway starting to lose track of what’s going on. That’s okay. I like a paragraph that doesn’t make much sense! Gives me a second to get my bearings. I Guess. I really should work on some jokes for tomorrow’s Stand Up Class. I Must Be Prepared. I dunno what to do as of right now. I guess I can do that. Work on that this evening. Alright! See ya tomorrow.

-5:52 P.M.

Alright. I guess that’s good. The person in front of me actually Marty Mcfly’d in Starbucks today. Straight up asked the barista is there just any drink I can get that has no sugar. She offered him Black Coffee. I was so excited that we had a time traveler in our midst that I didn’t register how he responded to that. Kinda tuned out because I was still trying to process the entire situation. I need to be more aware of my surroundings in important situations like this. DId he accept Coffee? Did he go into the phone booth and tear out a page to phone a friend? Huh. That scene in Back To The Future always bothered me. Marty McFly tears a page out of the phone book which has Doc Brown’s 1955 residential address and phone number. And no one seems bothered or reprimands him for it. Uh. That’s a public phone book. YOU JUST RUINED IT FOR EVERYONE. Now other people might have trouble finding people! WHOLE two-sided page of people GONE! ARE YOU GONNA ORDER SOMETHING KID or what. Marty Mcfly doesn’t even LIVE there. It’d be one thing if he lives in the town. Then you could argue the phone book Almost Kind Of belongs to him at least a little. He’s just passing by! Huh. He lives there in space but not time. That’s not living there. I can move to Alaska in a few years but that doesn’t mean that I Live In Alaska Right Now. Bad News for me yesterday– I got Turkey Dinner but forgot to ask for no Gravy. Covered in gravy. Gravy is gross! Who likes this crap. Did the American Indians turn us onto gravy? Or was that all White People All The Way. Better LTURQ.

It’s a white person thing. I woulda guessed! But I didn’t bother. Why bother forming prospective thoughts and ideas when I can just Look That Up Right Quick. Anyway. Today might be Hitler’s Birthday. OR it was a couple of days ago. Great now I gotta GET HIM a present. I don’t understand the logic to that joke. Anyway. It was a couple of days ago. 4.20. I knew it was one of those days! That reminds me of a bit I did a few years ago on an older crazysheet about how if they saved Hitler’s brain, it wouldn’t really as smoothly as they want. New Hitler would be like You got my brain from WHERE?!?! Or like I used to be WHO?!? Or more likely you raise new Hitler from infancy-type state to become a Hitlerish Hitler and at first he’s like Who’s Hitler. You were. What’s that. The person you have to be again. I’m tired I want a banana. Anyway maybe that’s a bit I can write for Comedy Class! WOW. A THING. Is it a thing where they Clone Hitler. There’s saving his brain and then there’s Cloning Him. Slightly different premise. My jokes make even more sense with Cloning Him! But Saving His Brain is more in the zeitgeist! Huh. Saving Hitler’s Moustache. Could that be a thing. Hitler’s barber musta been pretty pleased with himself. The first guy to give him that style. Musta been looking on in the 30’s and early 40’s VERY pleased with himself. Right up until the end. He probably told his friends You know it’s all in the moustache. When it comes down to it I’m really responsible for all of this. Wouldn’t say it outside his social circle. That’s the kind of thing that could get him in trouble!

Hitler might have shaved himself. Most men shave their own facial hair. I dunno. Might have to do some research on that! What are the odds that if Hitler never existed that Hitler would be the name of a band at some point in the latter half of the 20th century or the 21st century. PRETTY HIGH! Just SOUNDS like a band name. Hitler. IF You’re able to properly remove All Other Context for the name. IF you can completely forget about Adolf for a second. Hitler sounds like the name of a band at some point from somewhere. Well first of all because they produce Hits. That’s the first reason it makes sense. I dunno. If it was ME, the second syllable would be a reference to the LIRR. Which is where I developed and nurtured my love of music. The Long Island Railroad. Listening to mp3 player back and forth during high school. And sometimes college. And I suppose every now and then adult life! Anyway. Would you go back in time and kill Baby Hitler. Why don’t you just go back and make sure his parents don’t conceive him. That way no one has to die! But then Love Making is prevented. You’re stopping people from having a good time! That’s another kind of Hurting People! Anyway. We can’t go back in time and do anything. So we don’t need to speculate on what we would do. We can go forward in time. Not really that either! We can be in the moment of time that we’re in. THAT’S ABOUT IT. We can PREPARE for the future though. That’s a thing! What’s going on again.

Okay. Fourth paragraph! To be clear I think Hitler would be a bad band name. But one that could probably exist. What else. I’m almost done with the first season of SNL. Did people think Hey Chevy Chase is great and the rest of these guys are assholes. It’s possible that’s what one person, Chevy Chase, thought. Anyway. Now I realize what people mean when they insinuate that Chevy Chase was/is an asshole. I was more used to his less threatening Film Persona that I was raised on as a kid. Anyway. I’m sure he’s okay. He’s old now! You can’t be an asshole when you’re old! You’ve been humbled by the aging process! Elderly people are often jerks. They’ve got nothing to lose by taking their imminent death out on the rest of us. I dunno. Saw my Endocrinologist this morning. YEAH I gained 2-3 pounds over 3 months. Coulda been worse! SURE I’ll have some string cheese right now. It’s a thing some people do every now and then. What else. What did they write on my Coffee Cup today. : ) enjoy Thanks! I will! I am! I have been! I think I’ll see SINNERS this weekend. It’s getting good reviews and stirring up controversy. At first I thought the controversy was because of how it deals with Race but upon further research I think it’s because of how the Entertainment News Media initially reported on it’s Box Office Results Great. Let’s focus in on the important issues. Anyway. Sinners. One, “joke,” I came up with this weekend was Hey it was just Easter. I like Easter. The last supper. Jesus Dined For Our Sins. Who’s gonna stop me from saying it! Nobody!

Fifth paragraph. Okay. Might write only five paragraphs today. Probably better for both me and you! Maybe that should be the standard moving forward. Probably better for both me and you! Anyway. My facial style for Comedy Class Session #1 was No Haircut, No Shaving, Glasses. Disheveled Writery Look. Looking at myself in the Computer Mirror, I dunno if I quite pulled it off, but I think it was generally the right idea. I guess I should commit to it. Doesn’t make sense to be unshaved one day and shaved the next week. Or wear glasses one day and not the next time. Make a choice and stick with it for The Month And A Halflong Class, that’s my instinct. Just be yourself! Great. Maybe this is myself. Well I’ll have to look into that. Anyway. Don’t mean to brag but my blood pressure was like 98 today. That’s probably better than a lot of you. I don’t know. Now I wanna watch Return Of The Living Dead. There’s a scene where nurses are taking People –> Zombies blood pressure and they’re like are you getting anything, my guy don’t seem to have no blood pressure. And the other guy is like my guy neither wtf. Anyway. IF something reminds me of Return Of The Living Dead then YES I am likely going to want to rewatch it sooner than later. LET’S ALL REWATCH IT and meet back here tomorrow to compare notes! Anyway. I guess that’s it for today. I’ll see ya tomorrow.

-5:10 P.M.

Hey, friends!  What’s this here?  Personal website?  Online journal?  Blog?  I know it’s Lots Of Words, one after another.  Just a cavalcade of words that may or may not have meaning or worth!  I have very low expectations.  When you write something you might take for granted it will Make Some Sense and Be Worth SOMETHIN’ in the end.  I HOLD NO ILLUSIONS. Hold no Allusions.  Hmm.  Nah it’ll be okay.  Been 6.5 weeks since last entry.  Been working a lot on music.  I’ve been getting better!  Then I spent some time getting worse!  Then I got better again!  Then I went ahead and got worse.  Now I forget where I’m at as of this moment.  Earth.  Yes.  Good.  Anyway.  Still just spending 3-4 hours on Music Days doing dumb Half Songs with no preparation or intent.  Not really trying.  No real trying to write a real song!  A couple of times I tried to try and that didn’t work.  I find it hard on account of (1) Brain sucks (2) no inspiration (3) Mediocre Skill Level (4) What’s the point.  Anyway.  I MAY be finding a Proto-voice, though.  Music voice.  Not necessarily singing voice.  MOSTLY I think I errantly just Talk Sing because I don’t care enough I guess. But I’m figuring out a Proto-SOUND I guess I could say.  I dunno!  All of our favorites Talk Sing.  We just don’t pick up on it.  I don’t know if that’s true.  It might be true!  Philosophy-wise I SAID IT.  Therefore IT’S OUT THERE. EXISTING.  Just saying something doesn’t make it true.  ARE YOU SURE.
    The pope died.  We’re Popeless right now!  Normally I try to keep a positive attitude but right now we’re popeless.   Can’t believe this guy was Pope for 12 years.  Feels like it was just a year or two he was crowned Pope!  I think I’m thinking of King Charles.  Ok.  Who’s this guy again?  He leads the Catholics in Prayer and Worship and whatknot.  Gives em lifestyle tips.  Kind of like Catholic Oprah?  Anyway.  How about a Female Pope for once.  TIME’S UP.  Star Wars Episode IV: A New Pope.  I never liked That Title for Star Wars.  A New Hope.  WHAT WAS THE LAST HOPE.  Then again I never watched Star Wars too hard.  ALL THE MORE REASON to not use that title.  You’re telling all of us This Is A NEW HOPE.  But none of us know what you’re talking about.  WHAT HOPE.  Compared to what.  EXPLAIN YOURSELF.  Ugh.  Do I get to vote for pope?  No.  But I can still CAMPAIGN for someone!  I can find a candidate I support and LOBBY for them!  I still have SOME SWAY in this process!  Anyway.  New York City Mayoral Democratic Primary in a couple of months.  Vote for the guy… what’s his name.. JAMBANDI.  RAMMANDI.  Hmm.  I don’t think I’m gonna figure out his real name.  Damnbambi.  MAMDANI.That’s it!  Anyway He’s The Best Candidate AND With The Best Chance Of Winning.  You don’t want Cuomo.  The dude is just another Criminal.  Another sociopath.  Another asshole who clearly will only work for himself and not New York.  WHY would you, DEMOCRATS, elect him to be mayor for four years.  JUST DON’T DO IT.  I BELIEVE IN YOU.
   Well who knows what I believe in.  I believe you’ll get what you vote for!  So there’s that.I dunno.  Is it The People’s Fault if they’re Politically Illiterate.  And they’re like Hey, I’VE HEARD OF who Andrew Cuomo is.  I dunno these other people are.  CASE CLOSED I’m voting for Cuomo.  Or is it the media’s fault for molding them that way?  There’s enough blame to spread it around I guess!  Even I take some blame.  I should be lobbying for Mamdani as much as I am for whoever I am for The Next Pope.  I’m supporting whoever played the Fed Ex Pope on Conan to become Real Pope.  I forget who it was.  Anyway I think they know the role pretty well already so they deserve at least a chance to audition.  Apparently it’s Brian McCann.  Good.  So is it HIM becoming Pope or Him In Character as Fedex Pope becoming pope.  You can make an argument for either one.  Huh.  I started Advanced Stand Up Comedy Class last Thursday.  I realized in the hours leading up to it Uh Oh I might be the only one in the class NOT NEARLY ADVANCED ENOUGH.  I’m not really ready for learning ADVANCED stand up comedy in the larger sense!  Didn’t occur to me until just before the class started.  LUCKILY when the class started, it turned out for the most part the other 5 students are about at my level too.  Mostly just took the previous UCB Class and liked it so they took this class too.  THEY AIN’T REALLY READY TO BECOME ADVANCED EITHER.  They still beginnerish just like me!
    Great.  I gotta come up with 5 minutes/10 punchlines for Thursday Night’s class.  Over the weekend I came up with 3-4 jokes.  No monologue.  Just unconnected jokes.  I’m glad I came up with anything!  Great!  Huh.  Almost done with the Lorne Michaels book.  It’s a pretty good book!  Now I know all about SNL.  And how Lorne Michaels works.  I guess now I have to forget it and move on with my life.  It was pretty engrossing while I was reading it!  I also started binge watching old SNL starting with Season One in 1975.  Adding to the Immersive Experience.  So I dunno if I’ll continue on with that when I finish Book or what!  Next two books are Mark Hoppus of Blink 182 and Neko Case of Herself & Miscellaneous Autobiographies.  Those are AUTO.What is Otto from the Simpson’s last name.  I NEED IT to make a pun for a book about him where it’s something like ‘His Last Name’: An Otto Biography.  OH Come ON.  Internet says it’s Mann.  Simpsons.  Lorne Michaels wouldn’t approve!   He doesn’t like joke names!  And if he doesn’t like it I DON’T LIKE IT.  Anyway.  Wait a second.  I remember now.  It’s all coming back to me.  I remember Bart calling him Hey Otto Man at some point.  I thought he was just saying, “Hey, Otto, Man!” Was he?  He may have still been saying that.  OR he may have been saying, “Hey, Otto Mann!”  This show is confusing.
    Okay!  Drummer for The New Pornographers which Neko Case participates in was arrested for filming children nude or doing sex acts or something.  I mean.  The band name is a dead give away.  Pornographers.  New.  …New PEOPLE.  Kids.  They’re new at being people.  OF COURSE at least one of them would be a pornographer of new people.  Band names have a tendency to be prophetic!  They’re one of my top five or ten favorite bands.  Don’t hold the rest of them responsible For One Bad Apple.  I’m sure the majority of the band aren’t pedophiles.  I guess reading the book will help clarify some things for me!  Anyway.  HOW did I do in class last Thursday?  I got some laughs!  Overall I did a 5 out of 10 I think for the jokes I had to come up with In Class!  Reading about early SNL inspired me to smoke a little bit of weed beforehand.  I think it loosened me up a bit!  JUST TOOK two or three hits!  Still was Very Tight and In My Head About Things!  But in a loose way inwardly.  Was too focused on myself to Take In everyone else.  I took in enough to not be too intimidated by them.  But they seemed FUNNY ENOUGH.  Got some skills!  And they seemed like nice people.  Only six people to the class.  Only six sessions to the class.  Teacher seemed okay.  Like a real person.  A person who knows things.  What’s that like.
    Halfway through the entry.   I’m a student!  We don’t know anything!  She’s the teacher. She knows everything!  What a strange dynamic.  What else is going on.  Gotta write The Same Amount Of Things as I Just Wrote.  Five paragraphs.  What if Andrew Cuomo becomes mayor.  And he reads this entry.  And then he uses his power to destroy me.  Well that sounds like something that might happen.  Which is one reason why I don’t support him for mayor!  NOT really the kind of qualities I’m looking for!  I’m looking for someone more focused on doing a good job for the people of New York And Whatknot!  ANYWAY neighborhood development added Compost Buckets around.  Now I’m supposed to throw out certain things into Compost Barrels.  Banana Peels and Pizza Boxes.  Not sure what else.  That’s all I know as of this moment.  Figure it’s probably good for the environment.  Why else would we be doing it?  SO it’s extra work but it’s for a good cause!  ‘VIRONMENT.  Or maybe it’s just Busy Work to keep us occupied while The Ruling Class is taking advantage of us so we don’t register it.  OH IT’S THAT?  FUCK.  I wonder if I can get Pizza from the Diner delivery tonight.  I can’t.  What’s the closest thing to pizza I can get.  Not Close Enough.
    Seventh paragraph!  Mediterranean Dishes.  That’s as close as it gets!  That’s Very Far away.  I don’t know.  What else is going on.  Will I have this done by the time I order?  It’ll be close!  Probably not!  I also watched the movie Saturday Night.  The dramatization film.  LOVED IT.  I probably wouldn’t have liked it as much if I hadn’t read the Lorne Michaels book.  But having read the book… and having taken comedy classes the last 2 years… and having written Comedy Website forever… and having always been a wisecracker I guess and always liking SNL throughout most phases of my life… and having a mother who liked SNL when it was first on DOT DOT DOT it all added up into THAT MOVIE WAS GREAT!  Also I like how they cast a short guy to play Lorne Michaels.  That’s the kind of person that I am!  DIFFERENT than the rest of society.  A BIT OF AN OUTCAST.  Never quite fitting in!  I wonder if I would be More Normal if I was taller.  Never really thought about it!  Maybe if I happened to be taller, would that solve all my problems indirectly!  HUH!  I dunno.  It’d solve some of my problems.  But I don’t think it solve ALL.  Brain chemistry would still be fucked.  I BET. 
   WELL EITHER WAY.  I remember watching the early 1990’s SNL cast and absorbing it like I was roughly a pre-teen.  I dunno.  Could it be a Mandela effect type thing?  I’m not sure.  Adam Sandler/Chris Farley cast.  Pretty sure I can remember watching those shows vaguely and enjoying them!  But I would have been 5 years old.  A BIT too young to get much out of them.  But I’m 90% sure I watched SNL for some of that time and I’m 80% sure I got something out of it.  I was pretty jaded as a five year old so I could relate to SNL’s subversive humor a lot I think.  YEAH.  IS SNL subversive or is it for kids?  WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE.  I dunno.  Hard to say!  Anyway.  Now I want a Subway Sandwish.  Keep using the prefix Sub.  Only a matter a time before I want one for myself!  Yeah.  I don’t like today’s entry!  I only like every other entry!  And I only like most of those entries In Retrospect!  Most of the time while I’m writing an entry It Sucks!  So far one of my favorite hosts of the first season was Anthony Perkins.  The guy was just a funny team player who wore glasses the entire time!  I TOTALLY BELIEVED he needed the glasses to see!
   Penultimate paragraph.  The shitty thing about this website is I have to do it again the next day.  And then the day after that.  And then roughly at that point I get to take a weekend off.  And then it starts up again.  Huh.  I don’t like the sound of that.  Permanent Vacation!  That’s the life for me!  Where can I request that.  HEY if you’re doing what you love you never work a day in your life.  What about if I’m doing something I like.  Then you work every other day in your life roughly more or less on average.ROUNDS OFF to every other day.  Doesn’t literally equate to One Day Working, One Day Off!  Oh Okay.  Great.  SKETCH IDEA New Pope but it’s like he’s auditioning for Lorne Michaels.  Follow up question WHO IS IT FOR.  People who read the Lorne Michaels book or watched the 50th Anniversary SNL documentaries on Peacock or just SNL/Comedy Superfans in general.  What’s the joke.  I can only think of one or two defining characteristics of that interview process that might, “Play,” in that sketch.  AH WELL.  Huh.  Got nineteen minutes to write the next paragraph before I order Dinner Diner Delivery for me and my Dad.  We’ll see if I finish the paragraph before we put in the phone call!
     Anyway.  I should make this paragraph COUNT.  Don’t just retread what I accomplished in past paragraphs.  Make something NEW with this sequence of sentences.  I dunno we’ll see.  Those Muppets on the first season of SNL are terrifying.  If I saw those as a kid I would have been scared of them.  I’m scared of them now!  Very unnerving.  Glad it happened though.  It’s a cautionary tale.  They existed for 24 episodes or whatever so we’ll never have to see them again, I hope.  IT’S GOOD TO KNOW what’s out there.  So we know to avoid it!  Whatever.  What else is up.  Today’s entry IS.  It happened!  Now we gotta start worrying about tomorrow’s entry.  Probably’ll be different than today.  That’s my goal as of this moment.Actually my goal-thinking is How Late Can I Stay Up Tonight to enjoy Maximum Amount Of Free Time.  My goal as of this moment is Stay Up Past 11:00 P.M. Tonight! SET MY SIGHTS SHORT I guess.  I dunno.  Can’t think of much else to aim for!  WHAT ELSE IS THERE EVEN.  Stay Up Past 12:00 A.M. Tonight.  Well that’s just not very realistic.  Anyway.  I’ll see ya tomorrow.

-6:12 P.M.