Great logic there! IRREFUTIBLE PROOF I’m hilarious and talented! Anyway how’s everything going in your life. What is your life about. Intermittently involving yourself in MY life, I know that part of your life! But that’s about it. I assume you get up in the morning. That’s a start. Get up in the morning. Get your self a gun. And you drive backwards from New York to New Joursey. Why do I conceptualize that as Backwards. It could easily be interpreted as forwards from one perspective. Anyway how was Discovery Day. You know Disclover Day. Disclosure Day. It was pretty good! I have a feeling this’ll stick with me for a while. Like radiation. Halflives and everything. Every week it will stick with me half as much as it stuck with me the week before! Is that how radiation works. One note which I don’t think is too much of a spoiler is we do see an alien, and it looks too much like your standard alien stereotype. WHAT ARE THE ODDS! It turns out aliens are real AND ALSO they look exactly like what we happened to imagine aliens might look like in fiction. Sure there are ways to explain that. I can imagine it being explained to me by the characters or producers of the film right now! Cool new friends. By pointing out their possible error it forced them to talk to me and now I have a new friend.
What would happen if Aliens happened. That’s what this film posits to us. I Dunno the movie’s over. Now I’m thinking about the next movie. SHREK FIVE. They just released the trailer! Groundbreaking humor and social commentary in that one. It’s the FIFTH ONE they must have figured out how to do a good movie by this point. His name is Shrek because he’s on a Trek. He was at first, at least. In Shrek ONE Shrek was on a Trek. Shrek rhymes with Trek. Also I may be biased because I know he turns out to be an okay guy but Shrek doesn’t look so menacing. He’s kinda gross and off-putting. But I’d tend to see him the way Donkey sees him at first. A POTENTIAL FRIEND. Donkey Otay. Is that anything? Sure. It’s something. I guess the moral of the movie is all Assholes are just a friend and a girlfriend away from respectability! Now for me the search is on. One Friend. One Girlfriend. One Respectable Personality Life Makeover! Then again Unless the asshole is short. Like Lord Fuckwad. That guy’s short so screw him he’s an asshole and he can fuck all the way off! Anyway. Asshole. Hole is a band. ASS is not a band as far as I know. I know it’s a fictional movie in Idiocracy. So it’s SOMETHING, SOMEWHERE. But there’s no semi-successful band named ASS yet to my knowledge.
Okay. Oh there’s AssssCat the perennial professional Improv team at the UCB. That’s an Ass Thing! Look I didn’t have this thought just so I could point out All Things Ass Adjacent. Why did I have this thought? Because I’m an idiot, I dunno. Bad Ass-tronaut. I talked about that band name LAST WEEK. It’s more relevant now than ever! Anyway one of the tins of marijuana gummies I bought is impossible to open. I spent a good thirty minutes trying to open it. It’s child’s proof and apparently Michaelproof! I did look it up online and saw other people had the same issue as I did with this brand and packaging so I’m not just some invalid. It IS on the thing and not on me! Poor design or something! Ultimately I may have to jimmy it open with something. Ultimately Frisbee! I think I’ve confused frisbee with boomerang my entire life. Whenever I see people playing frisbee I usually imagine expecting the frisbee to boomerang back to some extent. Well then what do they need the other person they’re playing with then. Huh. I dunno! I guess I didn’t really think that fully. Maybe only 10%! I GUESS mostly I realized these weren’t gonna boomerang and were just gonna Frusbee through the air regularly. But I’m certain SOME part of me was conceptualizing A Boomerang.
Great. Michael’s Dumb. Good topic! Boomer-Rang… only old people still call people… is that a joke? It’s got the building blocks to one! Can’t be very original! It’s out there in the ether already I’m sure! Looks like some NYC high schoolers are upset they can’t go to the Knicks Parade because of previously scheduled Regents Tests. And that’s a news story! Look it’s a parade. You’re not missing much. You saw the games, right? That was exciting. Parades are NOT exciting. Just people moving slowly. And YOU probably not moving at all! Parades are the worst. On the other hand I really wanna watch the parade on TV and be like YES!! AWESOME PARADE. LET’S GO KNICKS LET’S GO NYC. HAHA STUPID KIDS TAKING SCHOOL EXAMS. DUMBASSES. Because I contain multitudes! Anyway. Kids can surely watch the parade on YouTube after the fact! There ya go! Good. I’m not sure I contain multitudes. I may be relatively singular. Whatever! We’re giving teenagers Regents Tests but what we should be giving students is Re-GentLEMAN’S Tests. These are the skills young people will need in a Post-AI world. How To Be Gentlemen (And/or Gentlewomen). Anyway. I’m a pretty good gentleman. One key is Don’t Offend Anyone. I stay at home most the time! No CHANCE to be off putting or anything! That’s a good start!
Cool. What if you have to offend someone for the greater gentlemany good. Lemme look at The Gentleman’s Handbook on that one. Where did I place that handbook. Hmm. What book am I up to in real life. Just started the Kim Gordon book. From Sonic Youth! They’re an okay band to enjoy! I don’t enjoy the music as much as I enjoy the band themselves! I LIKE THEIR DEAL. Already read the Thurston Moore book last year. It makes sense to me! Anyway. Is Sonic Youth supposed to be interpreted like Reagen Youth but they’re big fans or supporters of SONIC? The Hedgehog? Or maybe the chain resautrant? HMM. I don’t think I’ve ever eaten A SONIC food item in my life. Maybe that’s why I haven’t gotten into Sonic Youth beyond 2 or 3 most accessible songs. HAVEN’T HAD THE RIGHT SANDWICH YET. Anyway. We broke the sound barrier! About 60 years ago or so. BUT WE DID IT. Kinda anti-climactic now that I think about it. WHO CARES. LIGHT OR NOTHING. Wake me up when we’re moving faster than light! What practical use does breaking the sound barrier have in an aeroplane. Warn someone a small distance away of something someone else is about to say to them before they can hear it. HEY REAL QUICK THIS OTHER GUY IS ABOUT TO SAY SOME CRAP JUST WANNA WARN YA OK B—Yeah something like that. Anyway. That’s all for today! See ya later.
-3:09 P.M.
JUNE 16 2026
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