Makes sense. Now all I have to figure out is Who I Am. I know who I am. I’m the guy who is doing the things I’m doing! Every day I do a dozen or so things and I go to bed content with the knowledge I’m the guy who just did those things. Doesn’t make me a GREAT GUY. But at least I can identify myself! Who’s the philosopher who said You Are What You Do. One of the celebrity philosophizers must have felt that way! Or at least considered it in passing! Anyway. If I am what I do I must be a sleeper because I sleep 12 hours every day. Just put me in the Kevin Bacon movie Sleepers! But Michael the glass is also Half Awake. 12 hours of sleep means the exact same amount of Being Awake! Fine put me in Woke. The film Woke. If it doesn’t exist yet then get to pre-production already! Anyway. If there was a film Woke what would it be. Off the top of my head it makes me think of Nope but that’s mostly because of Slant Rhyme. Anyway. I guess it’s up to me to write Woke. CLAUDE WRITE WOKE. CLAUDE ARE YOU TEHRE? I dunno. How come there isn’t an AI Jeeves you can ask stuff. It’d be too scary that’s why. Imagine telling someone in 1998 that in the future you can ACTUALLY Ask a Jeeves something and he’d perfactly replicate human behavior back at you. THEY’D FAINT FROM FRIGHT.
Huh. I don’t remember thirty years ago people being really mad at The Greatest Generation like they are about Boomers now. I don’t remember thinking about The Greatest Generation AT ALL. Oh there’s also THE SILENT Generation between Boomers and Greatest Generation. Well how was I supposed to know They Gotta Speak Up! Either way Boomers suck at the internet but imagine ow much worse World War II Vets were! Hmm. The plastic part that keeps my keyboard elevated broke earlier! There are two bits on right and left that prop up keyboard a bit so it’s on a slant. One of them broke! So now the keyboard is flat. It’s the only choice I have which is no choice at all! Anyway. I re-watched Creed last night. It’s pretty good! However I don’t remember Appollo Creed being the best boxer ever in the world In Real Life though so I can’t fully relate to these characters. NOR do I remember Rocky being a boxing folk hero IN REAL LIFE. I want to relate to this Adonis Creed but the people he’s hanging around and concerning himself with Just. Aren’t. Real. Anyway I’m not a fan of parents naming their kid Adonis. Seems vaguely incestuous! Look maybe this newborn baby is hot and/or WILL BE hot but it’s not your place to emphasize that! I dunno if I have a son off the top of my head a good name is FRED. Reminds me of Friendship. I consider this kid a GOOD POTENTIAL FRIEND of mine!
Okay. And then one day when he’s older we can co-produce a home movie called Fredship. Anyway. What if I have a daughter. Frenda? Hmm. Laughter looks like it should rhyme with daughter. But it doesn’t! LOITER comes a bit closer! Looks like the Knicks won their first game of the NBA Finals. No Basketball Allowed. But then what are they supposed to play! I dunno figure it out between the two teams. Anyway What is the Three Stooges favorite Basketball Team Initials? NYK NYK NYK. Or possibly their LEAST favorite. Because it brings up memories of humiliation and pain. Either way they’re bound to have strong feeligns about it! Anyway Oh No my music show is in 2 days and 5 hours. It will not be a Flawless Victory! I’m aiming more for a Pyrrhic Victory Of Sorts! Maybe a step above that. I want it to be an accomplishment but just barely. I want to be able to look back on the show and say I DID ABOUT A FIVE OR SIX OUT OF TEN. Music Is Fun. Mediocrity Rules The Day! Anyway I feel like my teeth have started getting worse since I started brushing regularly the last year or so. More cavities more pain more issues. Is it possible Brushing Your Teeth is really a scam to get you to go to the dentist more often? That’s why they give you free brushing-your-teeth accessories each visit! Or Maybe I just hit a rough patch of bad luck!
Okay. Why should I brush my teeth. I don’t brush any other bones in my body. Teeth are just bones! Anyway. If I had other bones exposed to the elements maybe I should be brushing them, too! Huh. Crazy Sheet. Shazy Creet. Shazd Creed. What’s going on. I dunno but whatever it is we gotta move on with our lives. Anyway is this a trick for getting up in the morning—keep glass of water by bed and Splash Yourself With Water when alarm goes off? To make sure you Really Get Up and don’t snooze? I wanna try that. Sounds FUN in a really ANNOYING way. If someone did it to me I’d be momentarily enraged but if I’m doing I to myself I know it’s coming from a good place. Might be enraged anyway. I wanna find out! Anyway. Maybe just the threat of it is enough. I wake up, get ready to pour water on myself, and am like, Fine I Get It. I Understand What The Stakes Are. I’ll Get Out Of Bed IT’S OKAY. Maybe! Anyway The Stakes makes me think of POKER which makes me think of a recurring dream I have where I’ve won millions of dollars in online poker over the course of my life but then also recklessly gambled away ALL Of It. In the dream I’m left with the memory of that experience. I had painstakingly won millions and then just completely recklessly gambled it away. What a nightmare!
I wake up safely to the knowledge Oh I Just Never Made Any Money In The First Place. THAT’S a relief. I made a four figure amount in poker in my life I guess. That rounds down to nothing compared to Dream Numbers though! There’s a variation of the dream where I didn’t gamble the money away, but the poker site I was playing on goes bust or something and I’m unable to get the money I won. Whatever. I used to be good at poker! Probably wouldn’t be very good if I tried today. I would only have A Third Or Half Of The Edges I used to have. It’s a game OF EDGES. You need all the edges over your opponents to make a profit. You know what I mean. I only have a fraction of the edges left over that I used to have! Anyway. Now I’m looking forward to dumping water on myself. I’ll be so uncomfortable. I’ll definitely stay up! In the meantime What Else Is Going On. I could practice by pouring water on myself NOW. I don’t wanna do that. Now I have an inkling of how I might feel tomorrow morning! I really don’t wanna do that is how I feel NOW. Hmm this might be tougher than I suspected. Oh well. It’s worth a shot! Maybe I should start drinking alcohol when alarm clock goes off. Have some tequila ready. That happens in the beginning of Kingpin: Woody Harrelson movie. This whole time I was judging his character for being an alcoholic but in reality This Was The Way He Knows How To Get Up On Time! Oh okay good. Anyway see ya later.
-4:05 P.M.
JUNE 4 2026
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