Alright. Hey! How was everyone’s Mothers’ Days. Trick Question. It wasn’t YOUR Mother’s’ Day’s’. It belongs to the mothers’s. I guess some of you might be mothers. That’s weird. I can’t imagine someone who has given birth and/or raised children reading this. That’d be a game changer. Writing for mothers. Probably should imagine that. “WRITE AS IF YOUR MOTHER WAS READING IT,” is probably good advice in general. Why. BECAUSE MOTEHRS LIKE TO READ! I dunno. I’m gonna continue to write for Weirdoes. If mothers wanna identify with Weirdoes that’s their prerogative. Up to them! Mothers like to identify with weirdoes because their kids might be weirdoes and now they have something to relate to their kids about. Anyway. If we casually misspell dates to celebrate movies like May The Fourth can we celebrate Mother’s Day as MOTHRA’S DAY. And celebrate Godzilla Franchise? No we cannot. That’s a stretch. Anyway. I wish my Mom the best as I do all my family members. They want what’s best for me so I send that right back to them! Also if bad stuff happens to them, it can tangibly negatively effect my life, so I’m personally invested in their wellbeing! Anyway. There’s Mother’s Day. And there’s Father’s Day. Home come there’s no SON DAY. What are you talking about there’s FIFTY TWO of them. Fair enough!
When Mothers die in holy war they are rewarded with 52 virgin sons in paradise. Something like that. Found out my setlist for School Of Rock show in June. Great! I don’t have to change my guitar tuning at all for any songs! Just play the music! EASY. I’m pretty prepared. If I had the show tomorrow I’d be able to play SOMETHING for the duration of each song. Either the right notes or SOMETHIN. Anyway. What else is up. Hey it’s my Birthday Day Of The Month. 12th! As a gift to myself I’m gonna move on with my life. I watched the first season of The Mandalorian because I figure I’m gonna watch the upcoming movie The Mandalorian and I wanna know what The Mandalorian is all about. Turns out it’s about A Guy. Doin’ stuff. Planet to planet. One thing that always bothered me about Star Wars is that how does Spaceship just so casually fly from planet to planet like it was nothin’. People who are otherwise not-so-wealthy can afford to just fly from planet to planet easily. Seems like that would take a lot of ENERGY. A lot of MONEY. A lot of EFFORT. But in Star Wars and assorted other Sci-Fis Interplanetary Travel is SO EASY. Let alone Interstellar Travel. Oh well. LET IT ALONE. Also I think the Intro Preamble to Star Wars always kinda turned me off. “A Long Time Ago In A Galaxy Far Far Away…” WELL THEN WHY DO I CARE. If this happened a long time ago then What Happened At All, The Consequences Of It Happening ARE LONG GONE. It’s Over. None of This Matters At All Anymore. LET’S MOVE ON WITH OUR LIVES ALREADY.
Anyway. I seen that Mortal Kombat II! A solid 50% of it was fighting. Even money you were watching people fight if you were looking at the screen during the movie! OKAY. It was alright. I’m sick of all that Immortal Kombat. People fighting for no reason because they’re all going to live forever. YEP THIS IS THE GAME SLASH MOVIE FOR ME. Anyway. The good news is who cares. Do kids even care about Mortal Kombat. They don’t really have Arcades anymore! Which is probably good. My main memory of Arcades are birthday parties where I feel lonely. I dunno how other people feel during Arcade Parties but I feel like people are SPLIT UP to play games INDIVIDUALLY and I’m not having a good time by myself because I SUCK AT THESE GAMES and I’M WATCHING MY MONEY/CREDITS RAPIDLY DWINDLE and the popular games are taken so I’m just walking around and I’m just counting down the minutes until we get pizza pie and ice cream cake. The pizza is okay! Even though it’s not the best! It’s good enough! When you’re a kid at a pizza party they sometimes cut pies into sixteenths. What the fuck are you doing. I’m not going to eat 1/16th of a pie. Maybe I’ll eat 3/16ths of a pie? Is that what you’re assuming? Yes. We’re all gonna eat 3/16ths of a pie! It’s nice though. You can eat 3-5 mini slices and feel like you’re really gorging yourself and having yourself a time!
Amazing. On the other hand Laser Tag was something I was very excited about. For the 3-6 times I did Lazer Tag. Actually PLAYING Laser Tag, it’s not so great. 10 Year Olds have NO STRATEGY, myself included. We just run down the halls and corners wily-nily and if we run into a person on the opposite team we shoot ‘em! That’s all Laser Tag is for kids! But in my head I would get very pumped up for Lazer Tag. Huh. I dunno if I’d wanna play now-a-days. I’m more of a pacificist. I take that seriously now! PEACE. Why can’t we resolve our differences without resorting to lasers! But Michael no one really gets hurt in Laser Tags. Not when I played! Most the time some kid would be jabbing me hard with their guns! That’s how they make sure you get lasered! They hit you with the gun right in your armor and shoot you there. CHEATERS. Anyway. Anyway. Is there any kind of Kids Birthday Party that I LIKED? Sure. Movie Theater. Go see a movie! Can’t go wrong there. I gained a Movie Watching out of it. Can’t Lose. No matter what happened We Accomplished Something Here! I wanna go to a kids birthday party Movie Theater Viewing RIGHT NOW. I know it wouldn’t be appropriate but I’m just saying how I feel. YES I’d settle for it just being Me Going To See A Movie By Myself. SURE.
What’s up. I like my own birthday parties. Especially the gifts. SO MANY GIFTS. You invite like 20-30 people. You get that many gifts! WHAT THE HELL. SO MANY PRESENTS. That’s just a lot of things! And that comes AFTER every person showing up for a few hours to celebrate you and having pizza and ice cream cake as well as arcade or laser tage or I DUNNO BOWLING or something. Also for other people’s birthdays you get Goodie Bags at the end which is just like 30 pieces of candy. It’s A LOT of candy. A good amount more than you need! Anyway. I dunno. Was my last birthday party my Bar Mitzvah? Coulda been! Probably was my worst birthday party, too! Gotta do/listen to the Haftorah or something for an hour, me talking and/or singing in Jewish phonetically for a while, then eat Jewish food for half an hour, then that’s pretty much it! I didn’t have a big party like most people. Not sure why. We could afford it. My family is no worse off than the main segment of Jewish Families who have Bar Mitzvah parties. FOR SOME REASON me and my brother didn’t have real Bar Mitzvah party receptions. Just the Jewish Part! GREAT. I guess in a way I feel like I only became HALF A MAN because of it. Just the Jewish Part. Not the secular part. Oh okay good. To be fair I don’t particularly enjoy Bar Mitzvah parties. They’re better than the Jewish Ceremony part of the process. But they’re WORSE then Just Going Home. Huh. Alright that’s it! See ya later.
-3:58 P.M.
MAY 12 2026
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