Hey! Here we are, another Thursday. Do my Thursdays influence your Thursdays? I feel like Thursdays are HER’S DAYS. That’s a Feminist position I think. I’m a pretty good supporter of women, making puns and whatknot. It’s more than you’ve done. Anyway I got my new prescription sunglasses yesterday! Wore them for one walk including a Starbucks visit. No one seemed angry or confused that I was wearing sunglasses. They just went with it! Even though they couldn’t see my eyes. Anyway the rules of war famous in American Revolution says don’t start shooting until you see the whites of their eyes. What if the opposing army is all sunglassed. Well then we’re screwed! Anyway. Don’t Start Shooting Until You See Bright Eyes. In concert. Then do whatever you want. Anyway. I gotta decide what to movie to see this weekend. Probably between Evil Dead Burn and The Invite. I should probably see The Invite. But I tend to like HORROR films for some reason. Not sure how it became part of my personality. Probably through Movie Magic Trickery. The Invite sounds like a Horror movie. Most of two word titles starting with, “The,” are probably horror. IT’S SCARY IN IT’S STRAIGHTFORWARDNESS. Invite. Have I ever had Vittles. Not consciously! Not by that name! Huh. I don’t think I’ve even had Skittles! PRACTICALLY EVERYONE HAD SKITTLES.
Anyway. Why are candy bars named after people. Three Musketeers. Baby Ruth. Are we supposed to imagine they’re ground up into what I’m eating? I don’t get off on that! No Michael those are the people who DESIGNED the candy bar. Baby Ruth DESIGNED that bar. The Three Musketeers created THE BLUEPRINT for that candy bar. Ah. I see. Anyway. If I remember correctly the three musketeers are swordsmen. Always jousting. Kinda seems like they should be using muskets primarily. Guess it’s not as captivating to watch three guys using muskets. Musket fights are boring. Takes like five minutes to reload. Anyway I looked it up and I AM RIGHT. In the story they’re always using swords. But Musketeers in general in history are indeed assigned muskets. So that’s good. Anyway. Must be fun to bayonet someone. Feels like I’ve said that before. Certainly thought it before. Time is a circle! I keep coming back to Must be fun to bayonet someone. You save on Ammo! The real trick is bayonetting someone to make it look like a suicide. Not sure that’s how it works. Anyway. What’s the name of Matt Damon’s dog in The Odyssey? Odie? The dog he has with him throughout the story. His name is Odie! Well that makes sense but is wrong. IS Garfield is a secret take-off of Odyssey we don’t know! Not so secret anymore!
Huh. I never got Garfield. To me it was like looking at wallpaper. I didn’t get the jokes. It’s how I felt about all newspapery cartoon comics like that. I’m sure there were jokes in them but they didn’t register as humor to me! Cats should probably not be eating lasagna though. –Miles Davis. Anyway. Garfield shouldn’t be eating his feelings. He should be feeling his… eatings? Hmm. Moving on! Garfield is a jerk. Before Garfield if people heard the name Garfield we thought of President Garfield. Now we don’t think of President Garfield AT ALL. I don’t know THING ONE about that guy! I’d forget all about him if left to my own devices! Huh. These days people WANT to be left to their own devices. PHONE. TV. ROKU. CHINESE FINGER TRAP. Anyway. Did the inventor of Chinese Finger Trap really design them as an immobilizing device? Like, Someone gets their index fingers trapped in Chinese Finger Trap and then the Perpetrator goes, “LOOKS LIKE WE GOT ANOTEHR ONE!” Anyway. I feel like I’ve been in Finger Trap two or three times in my life. Obviously I figured my way out somehow. Without resorting to cutting it open probably! Anyway. Got a weekend coming up soon. Hard to say exactly when it begins. Depends on your definition! High Definition. That should be the name of some work of fiction along the lines of High Fidelity. But instead of Fidelity it’s Definition. Oh Great Now It’s Something New.
Anyway. I once bought those trick sunglasses where if you look to the side you can kind of see what’s going on behind you. Doesn’t really work. But it doesn’t really completely not work, either. Gotta imagine that’ll help you cheat at gambling somehow. Never figured out how! Hmm. I’m thinking back on what we played when I was a kid and I think we played WAR more than we needed to. Even as grown kids. Teenagers and stuff. You don’t need to play WAR as kids (or adults) once you’ve learned more complicated games. Me and my brother definitely played War: The Simplest Card Game a lot though past its expiration date. War is also often the simplest solution in Foreign Policy unfortunately. Make Peace Not War. WHERE’S MY FIFA PEACE PRICE. Well I just said to make peace. We have to wait to see if it pans out or not. I dunno. I don’t wanna peace prize from FIFA. Maybe from the MLB. Or the NHL. The Union of Jousters of Medieval Times. Midlevel Times. Midevil Times. What’s going on again. I like Medieval Times. The restaurant experience not the times. Anyway. If someone time travelled from the 1400’s they’d probably be really upset. MY CULTURE IS NOT YOUR JOKE TO BE MADE FUN OF. Also they’d actually be like I EXPERIENCED NONE OF THIS. Watching knight fights for fun. Eating chicken. Sitting down for hours at a time. ALL LUXURIES I NEVER KNOWN.
Oh well. There should be a band Garfield. You start off with a lot of name recognition and, what, who’s gonna sue you? The descendants of President Garfield? The cartoonist who made Garfield? They Can’t! They have no claim to the name! The time has come for Garfield… the band. Dogs go Arf. It’s inside Garfield’s name who is a cat. Interesting. Garfield’s name without Arf is Gield. Guild is a word as is Gold. Leave me alone for a minute I’m putting things together. …Anyway I’ll move on with my life now I guess. There was a Canadian band named Garfield in the 1970’s. Good. Time has expired for them! Anyway. What side of the road to they drive on in Canada. Vertical or Horizontal. Hmm. My guess is Americaside because our highways continue on into theirs per my understanding. YEP I was right. As a lefty I dunno which side of the road I’d prefer. I don’t like driving on either side of the road. IT’s DANGEROUS. The only safe side of the road to drive on is Staying Home! I’m pretty sure I’m used to this right side of the road stuff though. With the driver’s seat on left side of car. It’s ingrained in me! If I had to drive some road it’d be right side I think! Wow. How much space did I devote to that riff. About half a paragraph. Cool! I got my point across though. I assume. Huh. Anyway I’ll see ya next week.
-2:48 P.M.
JULY 9 2026
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