Sure. Hi! I finished Schmidt’s Creek and now I started watching PORTLANDIA. I like it! I like it a lot! I wish I lived in The Matrix but The Matrix was like Portlandia. Wait no maybe I wish I lived in Portlandia but Portlandia was like The Matrix. I forget. I watched The Oscars this weekend. I think they did an okay job. They awarded people and films. Everyone sat still for a few hours but sometimes got up and talked when necessary. The best news of the week though is that one of the songs I’m playing for School Of Rock is supposed to be tuned half a step down but it turns out we’re gonna play it in standard tuning. So I don’t need to tune my guitar back and forth each time we practice that song. On the downside, though, now I don’t have an excuse to ever tune my guitar to Half A Step Down Standard Tuning, which is MY FAVORITE. SO there’s plusses and minuses. Is there an expression SO There’s Multiplications And Division Sighns because if there is I’ve never heard it! It presumably applies to some conversations. I had a good idea for a Math Function that doesn’t yet exist. You guys know about Exclamation Mark, right? Like 7! Means Seven times six times five ETCETERA down to 1. ANYWAY my new idea is 7? Where it’s the same thing but it’s PLUS instead of MULTIPLICATION. 7? Is 7 PLUS six PLUS five down to one. Gonna pitch this to shark tank if possible.
But Michael what possible use does that actually serve in math. If it ever really came up in The Real World it’d already exist! YEAH PROBABLY. Then again Maybe if the function existed we’d start using it in the real world THEN. One follows the other! Shark Tank is called that because someone pitched someone a Shark Tank somewhere at some point and that’s the epitome of The Ultimate Good Pitch. Hey you guys know sharks, right? What If We Kept Shark In A Tank? BRILLIANT THEN WE’D BE SAFE. Anyway. How many times per episode does Mark Cuban say Don’t fool around with me Despite what my name might suggest I’m no MARK. And then does he also ever say Don’t fuck with me Despite what my name might suggest I’m actually not Cuban. If Cuba Gooding Jr. married Mark Cuban, which, I know, is a long shot… HIS NAME MIGHT GO A LITTLE SOMETHING LIKE THIS… anyway. Mark JR. Anyway. I think it’d be cool to name my kid my name. Make A JR out of him. I don’t think Jews do that though. It’s blasphemous and against Judaism. Oh well. My name ALMOST worked out for me. In some ways I came close to getting a lot out of my name. I think my kid would have better luck than me. Just needs that extra bit to get over the top! Then again if my kid has my name that reflects back on me and my name and suddenly me and my name are back in the spotlight and not necessarily in a good way. Suddenly I’m Michael Sr! I don’t like that. I don’t wanna be a SR. That sounds awful.
Oh well. The seventeenth of the month. That’s always notable. Most of the time at least! Seven Teeth. How many Teeth is ENOUGH really. If I lost two teeth I’d be okay. If I lost three teeth I’d still be okay. HOW MANY TEETH do I need. I don’t know. I remember in Elementary School, third grade or so, we made these little pillowy receptacles to store our baby teeth when we lose them I guess as a prelude for the tooth fairy to give us money or something. But I don’t get it. What kind of backwoods occult nonsense is that. HEY KIDS WE’RE GONNA SAVE OUR BABY TEETH INDEFINITELY. THIS IS STATE SPOONSERD EDUCATION. GET TO WORK. As a kid though it seemed a great class project. HEY you know what the end product of this is right? CASH MONEY! So that’s good. What’s the point of rewarding kids for losing their teeth. It’s not like they’re gonna lose their next teeth any faster. You’re not tangibly encouraging them to do Body Development Any Better monetarily IT WON’T MAKE A DIFFERENCE. It’s not gonna change anything! And from another angle, it’s not like they went through anything so traumatic that you need to give them a treat in the form of money. If anything, losing a tooth is fun. Spend a week or two tonguing the loose tooth back and forth. IT’S A TREAT I SAY.
Cool. Does anyone know what the tooth fairy is supposed to look like. I know they cast The Rock as the tooth fairy in a movie but that can’t be canon, right? Anyway. Just some random fairy, I guess. That’s what I’m seeing as I look it up online right now! Anyway. What does it mean when you lose teeth in a blog entry. I dunno. Also if you die in a blog entry that means you die in real life! Oh no I’m scared. The Rock named himself after watching The Sean Connery Movie (1996) and thinking this makes sense to me. Okay. What else is up. St. Patrick’s Day! Be sure to celebrate all the people named Patrick you know and have known in your life! I assume that’s what we’re supposed to do today. DON’T MAKE MUCH SENSE but I don’t question The Irish And Their Traditions! I dormed with a Patrick for a couple of months in 2008. That’s the only Patrick I can think of. Didn’t really interact with him much. But hey today is HIS day! It’s Pat. The SNL sketch/movie that nobody likes. Is that relevant? It’s more relevant than ever I feel. Huh. The British reboot (concurrentoot?) of SNL is premiering this weekend! I wanna see what the Hell that is. I dunno if I’ll be able to see it! OH WELL. British people trying to be funny. Man oh man. Will they succeed? It’s possible! It’s possible they won’t though! I can’t wait to see if I am able to see!
Okay. Lots of sketches about BREXIT I bet. I don’t know anything about England since 2014. Anyway. WOW Brexit was 2020. Turns out I’m A BIT more up-to-date than I think! Anyway. Referendum was in 2016. IT’S A PROCESS. They got Tina Feye hosting the first episode. I assume she’ll say some shit like I CAN SEE IRELAND FROM MY HOUSE and everyone will go crazy. What does IRE mean. It means something. It escapes me at the moment. Intense anger or rage. Ireland is THE LAND OF INTENSE ANGER, RAGE, OR WRATH. I guess that checks out? IT must! Otherwise why would they etymology that! WELL it beats Fireland. The land that’s constantly on fire. Wouldn’t wanna live there! Hmm. Hey would you like to go to Fire Island? WHAT? NO! THAT SOUNDS DANGEROUS. It’s a Long Island Island. I thought Long Island was already Island. It’s a bonus island! It’s an extra island to the island! Jeez how many islands does one place need. PLENTY! I don’t like it. What if Ice-T moved to Long Island to settle down. That would make a lot of people re-think how they think about the world. IT would make people who previously didn’t think about the world At All START thinking about the world! Anyway. I guess that’s it. There’ll be more later the next time I write! See Ya’s!
-5:06 P.M.
MARCH 17 2026
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